Drunk Party in Sea Whore's Baby Apocalypse
by signelchan
Summary: Karkat and Terezi are dating, and nothing will change that. Not even a night of drunken partying (and much more) that leaves Karkat torn between his girlfriend and the fish pun-spewing Meenah Peixes, even though Terezi's on the other side of the country for school and Meenah is Karkat's accidental baby momma that lives just blocks away. [Humanstuck AU.]
1. Chapter 1

The day that Terezi got her acceptance letter to the college of her dreams, her older sister Latula decided that a party was needed to celebrate the crowning achievement of the younger Pyrope's life up to that point. Seeing as she and some of her friends were in the process of moving into a house of their own, it made perfect sense for this party to be held there. There was just one thing about the party that wasn't shared before Terezi and her friends arrived at it: Latula's friends were also going to be there. Although there was an age gap between Terezi (who was eighteen and a high school senior) and Latula (who was twenty-two), the clashing of their friend groups wasn't difficult to overcome.

This was mostly due to the presence of alcohol and no wise adults around to tell the teenagers not to drink. In fact, everyone was completely drunk by the end of the party, and no one was more drunk than Terezi's darling boyfriend Karkat. He was a year older than Terezi, a lot less smart, and didn't care even a little bit that him being drunk equaled his preacher of a father getting extremely pissed off in the morning. He spent most of the party right at Terezi's side, taking shots with her whenever someone asked them to, but when she was taken home by her mother at two in the morning, when the party was really getting started, he had to find something else to do.

First he tried going home, but there was a "no parent, no leaving" policy that he couldn't work around, even if he said that he lived just a few blocks away. Then he tried to lock himself in one of the unused bedrooms, but they weren't as unused as he thought they were, and seeing two people he had known from when he was in school in the middle of intercourse was not anything that interested him.

What he ended up doing was mingle with all of the older people that were around and learn a few things about them. There was obviously Latula, who he had gotten to know fairly well in the year he had been dating her younger sister. Then there was Aranea, a very talkative woman who volunteered at the local library that he only knew because she had graduated with his older brother years before. There were two guys, Horuss and Rufioh, who seemed to be stuck like glue to each other, Horuss scaring Karkat with his weird goggles and Rufioh creeping him out with the wings he had attached to his back. The entire time he talked to them, he was drinking more and more, to the point that he began thinking in a fog, with nothing making much sense after he spoke to those boys for the third or fourth time.

There were certainly other people there too, but none of them were important enough to him that he remembered them after he got a good night's sleep and woke up with a hangover and very shady memories. There was one that he wished he could remember though, because she had exchanged numbers with him and had texted him about how great their night together was.

"What does that girl mean, your 'night' together?" Karkat's nosy younger sister Nepeta asked him, creeping up behind him to read the message. "You slept here last night. Did you and her do something bad at that party? Should I tell our dad, or should I tell the readers of my blog?"

"You're not going to tell anyone. Nothing happened between me and this, uh, Meenah girl, and so there's nothing for you to tell anyone." Meenah. That name sounded familiar to him, but he couldn't place a face to it, just a phone number. "She's just someone I met at that party. But if you have to tell anyone, tell your blog. The last thing I need right now is to be preached at about how underage drinking is a sin or whatever."

She clasped her hands together and squealed. "Yes! Thank you! Just let me get a picture of you for my 'what my brother does' tag and I'll be on my way. Equius will be so interested in what happened to you that I may have to tell him the update on your life today instead of Monday during class!"

"Let him know I met his older brother, will you?"

"You met Horuss?" Nepeta's eyes widened, and she took a seat on Karkat's bed next to him. "Oh, you've got to tell me more about this party!"

Story time with his sister lasted far longer than he would have liked it to, but she was innocent and only going to be a freshman the next school year; she needed the entertainment in her life. But when he went to see Terezi like he did every Saturday afternoon, he wasn't in the mood for storytelling, instead getting straight to the point, asking her if she knew who this Meenah person who was at the party was, leaving out the part that he had her number until he knew more about her.

"Meenah? She's Latula's best friend. Super tall and skinny, pale as snow, long dark hair she keeps in braids. She was at that party last night. Don't you remember her? I said hi to her and she asked me if I planned on going fishing while I'm away at college." Nothing in that description rang a bell for Karkat, and she gave him a confused look. "So you know her name, but not who she is? How did that happen?"

He shrugged, before pulling out his phone and showing her the text that he had gotten. "I don't know, but this is what I got from her."

"You exchanged numbers with another girl? Karkat! We are dating, we don't go off and flirt with people at parties!"

"As I'm sure you don't remember, since you were pretty drunk yourself, I was completely out of it. I probably shared a couple drinks with this Meenah chick, and that's it. We may have bonded over something we mutually like, I don't know. But I know better, drunk or not, to flirt with another girl. You're the one that I want, Terezi. Not her." He meekly smiled at her, hoping she'd buy this excuse he was making, since he had no clue what kinds of events had transpired the night before.

She bought the excuse, if only because she did slightly remember how drunk they were. "I'm sure that's it, really," she said, hugging him tightly, "but you're not allowed to go partying while I'm at school, okay? I don't want to come home to you having a new girlfriend without telling me."

"I don't want a new girlfriend when I have a smart and beautiful one already." He planted a kiss on her lips, and she smiled as she returned his show of affection. They would have most likely kissed the rest of the day away, had it not been for Terezi's mom calling for them, to talk to them about party behaviors and how they really shouldn't have taken part in the more illegal activities at the party.

"Yeah, mom, we know, no more drinking until we're old enough. Got it." Terezi mimed saluting her mother once the long speech about what they had done was over, and that allowed her and Karkat to get away from the strict woman. "So, Karkat, you really think I'm smart and beautiful?"

"Yes, and you really are the only girl for me. Even if you're leaving me for the next few years as you chase your dreams and go to law school and all that stuff. But once it's all over, you'll be a kickass lawyer and I'll be your number one supporter." He hugged her tightly, never wanting to let go, while trying to push away the slowly-appearing memories of the previous night.

The longer that went by, the clearer the events that transpired at the party became, from the moment that Terezi's mom had come to get her. More of the conversations with Aranea, Horuss, and Rufioh were easily remembered, and he could actually visualize Meenah and think about how she got his number and he hers. And, a fact he didn't want to ever admit, he could remember how she convinced him to go to her newly-furnished bedroom with her, how she got him to take his clothes off and climb into bed with him, how they cuddled and fucked.

And that was something he didn't want to ever share with Terezi, even though he really needed to let her know it happened. He had made a mistake, and it was eating away at him. But the school year was wrapping up, summer was starting, and she was becoming more and more excited for her departure to the big city and college and everything she had ever worked for, and he just needed to be excited for her too. He spent every moment that he wasn't sleeping or working with her, just so that he wouldn't miss her too badly while she was gone. That, and so he wouldn't continue dwelling on the issue that he had drunkenly cheated on her with a girl he'd only met once.

What he wanted was to forever be dating Terezi and have her be his one and only—that was what she expected, and that was what he wanted to give her. But life had other plans for Karkat, and those plans were named Meenah Peixes. Or, more specifically, Meenah and her friends who all lived in the house a few blocks away from his that also was home to Terezi's sister Latula.

It all started the day Terezi left for school, boarding the plane to take her to her new life. Standing at the entrance to the security section, Karkat and Latula both waved goodbye to her, and the second she was gone, the older Pyrope turned to him and shook her head. "You didn't ever tell her, did you? Well, obviously you didn't. You're still with her. It's not rad, Karkat."

"Not rad? What did I do this time?"

"It's not so much what you did as it is who you did. I didn't tell Terezi because I thought you'd be man enough to do it!" Still unsure about what Latula was babbling on about, he asked her what he did for the second time. "You slept with Meenah, you idiot!"

His first reaction was to slowly blink, then he groaned, playing the "I don't have a clue what you're talking about" card, even though he knew fully well that he had indeed slept with the woman. "You're kidding me. I could have sworn I've only seen her that one time, and I don't even remember who she is! Terezi said she's white with braids and she's like a beanpole, is that right?"

"You slept with her and you don't even remember who she is. Guess we know who not to invite to any drinking parties." They were beginning to walk out of the airport then, Latula still talking as they did, but with the way she was speaking, she had eaten Karkat's lie up as if it was some delicious dessert. "But yeah, she's got these wicked long braids that she sometimes sits on if she's not careful. And she's super pale and can't tan worth a damn. Oh, and the tall thing, that's right too. But she's not so much of a beanpole anymore."

"Let me guess, living in that house with you and your other friends has made her lose whatever eating habits were keeping her skinny? That's the reason I live with my parents and not my friends, honestly." Karkat looked at Latula, who shook her head with a grim expression plastered on her face. "What, that's not it?"

"You're the one who graduated like a year ago, I'd expect you to have some memories of those sick diagrams in health class." Latula stopped dead in her tracks, turned towards Karkat, and put her hands on his shoulders. "When a dude and a chick get their sex on, babies get made. You really should know that."

This time, the blinking and clueless reaction was completely legitimate. "You're telling me that she's pregnant? And from the way this conversation has gone, I'm assuming it's mine?"

"Right."

"Well fuck." He pulled her hands off of him, before running his fingers through his dark hair. "We can't let your sister know. This remains secret. No one finds out that I not only cheated on Terezi, but I knocked up the girl I cheated on her with."

"No one except everyone she lives with, you mean, since Meenah has told all of us a million times. She's like, 'fronds, it was that Karkat bro that did it' and we're all like 'okay Meenah, we get it, it was him' and then she tells us again." Latula sighed, looking up at the ceiling as if she was trying to see the sky. "I'm scared for when my sis learns about this. She'll flip."

Karkat violently shook his head. "She won't learn about it! I'll do whatever I can to keep her from knowing what I've done, and if she finds out, I'll stress that I was drunk. I was fucking drunker than anything and this happened because of it. She'll understand. She knows I love her and only her."

"You love her and only her, but you're going to have a kid with someone else. Yeah, she'll buy that one. I know my sister better than anyone, and she's going to be pissed when she learns you're nothing more than a big cheater." That was followed by a string of other insults aimed at Karkat, which he put an end to by storming out of the airport and to his car, where he sat and screamed for what felt like a good hour or two.

When he got home, the last people he wanted to face (aside from Meenah or Terezi) were his parents, and yet there they both were, sitting at the table discussing religion and things that he had no interest in. "Oh, hello there, Karkat," he heard his dad say. "Care to join us? We're just getting into my favorite of the Ten Commandments."

He didn't even need to ask which one it was, because he had heard it so many times in his life: thou shalt not commit adultery. And that was the exact opposite of anything he wanted to hear at that point, because, although him and Terezi weren't married, it sure felt like they were sometimes, and yet he had cheated on her. "No thanks, I'm just going to go upstairs and see if Nepeta wants to go to the park or something."

"What a decent brother, caring for his sister rather than locking himself away playing wretched video games. Go ask her, I'm sure she'll be up for it. Religious studies can wait for later." That was the one okay thing about his dad, that although he was a preacher, he wasn't one for shoving religion down someone's throat when they had good intentions. "Be safe while you're out there. Don't let my little girl get hurt."

"Sure thing, dad. Talk to you later." He was headed towards the stairs, just to run up them and barge into Nepeta's room, where, on her computer screen, was a message from her best friend Equius, which she was reading intently. "Hey, Nep, wanna go to the park? I'll take you if you'd like..."

"Go away, Karkat, I'm reading what Equius has to say about this story his brother told him about how one of the girls he lives with is having a baby. It's really cute, except the baby daddy is a total jerk who hasn't talked to her at all." It took only a minute or two of him just awkwardly standing there, knowing the "baby daddy" in the message was actually him, for Nepeta to turn around in her chair and glare at him. "Why are you still here? Didn't I say go away?"

"Sorry, I got a bit curious about the tragic tale in that message."

She closed her laptop and laughed at what he said. "Oh, big brother, you're so silly. It's not so much tragic as it is really terrible! If you and Terezi ever get married and have babies, I hope you're actually there for her. That guy in that message needs to learn to be nice to women."

"Ha, yeah, he sure does." There was no way Karkat was going to tell his little sister, of all people, the truth about the situation. "So, how about the park? You want to go?"

Like he expected, she did, and so they went. She wasn't allowed to go without someone accompanying her, for the reasons that the neighborhood kids weren't always the nicest and that their parents were quite scared to let their freshman daughter go to the park herself, but it wasn't Nepeta who ended up getting in trouble with other people at the park. It was Karkat, and only because of who was there when they arrived.

"Hey, aren't you Karkat?" a woman short in stature with shoulder-length blonde hair asked, pointing at him as he pushed Nepeta away. "Do you remember me?"

He nodded, choking back a string of curses as he noticed the tall lady standing somewhat near her. "Yeah, you're Aranea. Met you at the party Latula threw for Terezi way back when. How are things going with you?"

"They're going well, but let's try to avoid the smalltalk here. I'm sure you're aware of what you did at that party, and how your actions had potential consequences that have come to fruition." She whistled, and he looked away to focus on where his sister was rather than to watch the other person come closer. "Karkat, turn your head this way. You need to be properly acquainted with the woman who is currently carrying your child in her womb."

Taking a deep breath, he did as she ordered, and his eyes met with two shining green ones. "Nice to finally get to meet you," he mumbled, trying to not let his eyes move anywhere but hers. "So I guess what happened at that party ended badly for you, huh?"

Her fist met his cheek not long after that.

His first reaction was to recoil in pain, making sure not to scream out for fear of his sister hearing and coming to see what was going on. "What the fuck was that for?" he hissed, not breaking eye contact with her. "I swear I didn't know about this until earlier today!"

"Water you talkin' about, Karkat? Think I'm punchin' you because of that? No, this is because it's been how many months without so much as a call?" She raised her arm to strike him again, but Aranea grabbed it and stopped her. "Ugh, why am I even here? This buoy don't know a damn thing about anyfin."

"I can't believe I knocked up a bitch who uses fucking _fish puns_. Now I'm going to have to deal with these for the next eighteen years." Karkat stood back up to his full height, which put him at about eye level with Meenah. "Okay, so you're mad about me not calling, correct?"

She nodded, attempting to swing at him once more but having the restraint of the smaller Aranea hold her back. "That's right. I should krill you for that."

The sound of yet another terrible pun coming from her mouth made Karkat want to just kick her in the stomach and call all their problems solved, but he knew that would just end with him beat to a pulp on the ground. "Don't use the puns, please. I'd really rather not hear those. And, okay, you have the right to be mad, but I didn't know you were pregnant until just today, and I didn't exactly ask for your number, so I didn't exactly ever want to talk to you again. So you shouldn't be getting all pissy at me for not calling you when I didn't know I had a reason to call you."

"See, Meenah, he wasn't planning on just ditching you and your baby. He just didn't know what was going on. This is why communication is key!" Aranea let go of her friend's arm for just a second, and in that second, Meenah took another swing and connected with just above Karkat's right eye, sending him to the ground.

"Asshoal here should have realized somethin' was gonna come from what we did, since we won't pracfishing anyfin safe." She smirked at Karkat, who was too busy staring up at her and her noticeable but not too big stomach bump to even realize she had still used fish puns. "Aw, look, the glubbin' jerk is finally admirin' his work."

"Shut up," he muttered, before picking himself up off the ground, making sure to stand just outside of where she'd be able to reach. "I don't want to deal with this. Not right now. I seriously just lost my girlfriend today to school and now I'm learning that I've got a kid on the way with some chick I have only met one fucking time and my life really sucks right now."

"Wow, you probs feel reely speshell right now, but lemme tell you, you're not."

He found himself looking back into her eyes, which were so inviting even if her personality wasn't. "Why are you keeping the kid, anyway? We don't love each other. Fuck, we don't even know each other. I'm in a committed relationship with Terezi, and you've probably got some other guy that isn't me, so why don't you just pay and lose the kid?" Having been raised in an extremely religious household, even implying that this woman should have an abortion and kill their child felt weird to him, but it was the best idea he had. "Then we'll never have to speak of this again, and you can go back to being an easy whore, and I can go back to being with Terezi and only Terezi, and everything will be perfect."

"Things don't work like that, sorry." She placed both hands on her stomach and rubbed it for a few seconds. "This li'l swimmer here is gonna keep swimmin' for a long time, and there's nothin' you can do to make me change my mind on that."

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Shore am. But, since Latuna has told me many tines that you want to keep this a seacret from her sis, I've decided I'll play along. No one finds out me and you's havin' a kid until it's impossible to hide it. Keepin' Terezi must be finportant to you or somefin, I dunno." She tapped her side a couple times, just looking at Karkat and the scowl on his face. "What, you got somefin you wanna say to me?"

Without even thinking, he said he did. "Since this is my problem just as much as _it is_ yours, I guess it's the responsible thing for me to actually help you out with this. We just can't let my family or Terezi find out, and as long as they don't know, I'll be by your side."

Her face lit up and she stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a hug. "Oh, Karkat, that's such a titanic thin' to tell me! I'm gonna hold you to it!" He attempted to protest, but her happy squealing drowned out what he said, so he instead took the time to become a bit acquainted with the stomach bump that housed his future child. If she wasn't going to do the smart thing and get rid of it, he was going to have to get used to it. Just touching it quickly with his hand made him feel a bit weird, half because he was touching someone else's body that wasn't Terezi, but half because it really was his child in there, and this was his first interaction with it.

He swore he felt it kick at him right before he pulled his hand away and pushed Meenah off of him. "Okay, enough with the hugging," he said, much to her dismay. "I'm going to go catch up with my sister and hang out with her. I'll talk to you later I guess, Meenah. Work on not using so many damn puns the next time we talk, okay?"

"Shore thing, Karkat!" She winked at him, before putting an arm around Aranea's shoulders. "Us gills gotta get home and eat now, yanno?"

"I'm going to make sure she's eating healthy, with regards to the well-being of the growing baby. I don't want there being any unnecessary complications."

"Means no fish, which is gonna be a bitch t'deal with." After exchanging farewells, the two ladies started off on their way, and Karkat sighed, before beginning to head toward the playground at the park—just to have his sister tackle him from behind.

"Karkat!" the younger girl exclaimed, pinning her brother to the ground. "Who were those girls you were talking to? Wasn't one of them the library lady?"

It took him a second to get the breath back to answer her. "Yeah, one of them was definitely the library lady. The other one...that's one of her friends." He had just gone over how he didn't want his family knowing that Meenah was having his baby; he was going to try his damnedest to keep Nepeta from learning it right then. "She's having some problems in her life right now, so Aranea, the library lady, came and asked me for some help. I guess I'm going to be assisting her friend for a bit, which is no big deal."

But Nepeta, through all her years of knowing her older brother's mannerisms, knew that he wasn't someone that people came to advice for, and she called his bluff: "She looked pregnant. Karkat, you're not just helping her because you're nice! You're helping her because she's having a baby!"

"Yeah, that's right." So maybe she hadn't figured out the entire story, but she was going to at some point before he was ready to tell everyone, and he needed to keep her from telling their parents. "Keep that fact on the down-low, okay? I don't want dad asking questions about it. It would just be awkward, and the last time he knew I was hanging around someone who was having a kid out of wedlock, he made me switch schools. I'm scared for what he'll do when he learns it's someone in the neighborhood this time."

"Got it, captain!" Being the nice sister that she was, Nepeta got off of her brother and helped him back to his feet. "I won't even make a single post on my blog about this. Your secret is safe with me!"

"That's what I want to hear. Thanks, Nepeta. You're the best little sister a guy like me could ask for, and I mean that. Now let's go swing or something, before it gets dark and we get in trouble for being here." He grabbed her hand and started running towards the playground, dragging her along until she was running at the same speed he was. Things, at least for that moment, were simple, and that's how he wished they would always be.

He was not going to get that wish, not even in the slightest.

* * *

 **A/N: Originally written and posted in spring 2013, this story used to hold the title of "longest single-chaptered" fic that I had written until earlier this year. But rather than posting all ~25,000 words at once, I'm going to split it into five parts, much like I did the original Tumblr version of the story.**

 **So, er, see ya next week for the next part!**


	2. Chapter 2

It was two weeks later that he was sitting in his bedroom, looking up facts about babies and what they needed to survive, when he heard someone screaming his name downstairs. The yelling was followed by thunderous stomping up the staircase, and he realized that someone (or, more correctly, two someones) wascoming up for him, since his sister was off at her friend's house for the day. No sooner than he had closed the tab he was looking at did his door swing open, and standing in the doorway was his older brother Kankri, with Aranea at his side. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" he rudely asked, setting his laptop on his nightstand. "I may have been indecent in here and you would have dragged a girl in on it!"

"There's no time for your sinful jokes, Karkat," his stern brother said, giving him a look that clued him in that Kankri knew a little bit too much about a certain situation involving Meenah. "We have to get you to repent for what ungodly acts you partook in with that Peixes girl before it's too late and you're condemned to hell."

"I thought I said we didn't let my family know about this." Karkat raised an eyebrow at Aranea, who looked absolutely pale at the fact that Kankri did, in fact, know what was going on. "Wait. Aranea? Did you tell him?"

She shook her head, looking at Karkat with widened blue eyes. "I didn't...the only people I've discussed this with are my housemates. He found out from someone else."

"I certainly did, and Nepeta has been properly thanked for proving me with the information I now have." The first thing Karkat wondered was how Nepeta had found out, rather than how she had told Kankri while he was living hours away. "Before you ask, she and I are in a mutual follow on our blogging platform, and she made a post about how her computer was used for looking at a conception calendar for the same date that you were at a party...I've put two and two together and, with some of the other knowledge I have gleaned from people, such as Aranea here, who posted on a different site about how Meenah was expecting, I know your secret. And, when our father returns home from wherever he is, I will be gladly letting him know that his younger son is soon to pass on the Vantas family name to a child of his own."

"Kankri, you can't let him know!" Karkat jumped off his bed and got down on his knees, begging his brother not to say a word about anything. "You've got to hide this from our parents, just until I'm ready for them to know!"

Aranea then turned to Kankri, her eyes still extremely wide. "When you called me to say you were coming to visit, I figured it had something to do with this situation. I agree with your brother here, and you cannot tell your parents until he's ready. It isn't your news to share, and I don't want you ruining Karkat's and Meenah's lives by informing your dad about the child."

"This is not your business to be inserting yourself in, Aranea. While I appreciate you coming with me to confront Karkat about it, there is no more use for you in this conversation, and I would advise you leave before you put any strain on our friendship." The blonde excused herself and rather hurriedly left the room and, soon, the building. "Now, Karkat, why are you keeping this a secret from our parents? Shouldn't they know?"

"They should know, but I don't want them to. I mean, they'll just make me marry Meenah, which I don't want to do. I've got to wait until it's too late for them to plan us a proper wedding, and then I'll let them know, easy as that." Karkat nodded at his own genius plan, but when he looked to his brother for approval, he was met with a stern shake of the head. "Oh, come on, that's what they made Meulin do."

"Do not ever compare our sister's situation to the one you're in. Her and that vile man of hers were in a committed relationship long before they took things to a level they shouldn't have, and them being forced to marry once Meulin discovered she was expecting was not too much of a burden to either of them. You, however, have a different set of circumstances and I am sure our parents would understand that." Kankri crossed his arms over his chest, before continuing on with his speech. "I'm positive that, at most, you'll just be forced to sit through several sermons on why premarital sexual encounters are frowned upon, and then they'll try to convince you to marry Meenah. But they won't force it, I'm sure." He started pacing now, mentally going over everything he was planning on saying, which was a lot.

The younger brother still wasn't going to have any of it. "I'm in love with Terezi, thanks. I'm going to marry her one day, not the fish pun-using bitch that I accidentally knocked up while we were drunk."

"Yet another detail I shall inform our parents of. They'll preach at you about why underage alcohol consumption is also frowned upon."

There was something Karkat intended to add to the conversation there, but he was stopped by his phone ringing—a call from none other than Meenah herself. "I've got to answer this," he said, giving his brother a hand signal that they both knew meant to be silent, before extracting his phone from his pocket and answering it. "Hey, what's up?"

"Don't ask me that. You know damn whale what's up."

"Meenah, not now with the puns. My brother's here." He looked at Kankri, who was still pacing just inside his doorway. "Just tell whatever it is to me straight."

On the other side of the line, with her feet propped up on the back of the couch while surrounded with her friends, Meenah laughed. "I don't tell nofin straight, 'specially not to you. But maybe I'll do it this once...eh. Nah. Not happenin' today."

"I really don't have the time for this! My brother's threatening to out our secret to my parents!"

"How swell. The kiddo could use an engraved bible or two." Once again, she laughed, showing just how not serious she was taking things. "But anyway, I need you to come get me. There ain't no food here for me to chow on, and I could krill someone for a burger right now."

"Have one of your roommates take you, because I don't have the time to be dealing with your cravings right at this moment. My brother telling my parents will make things get really ugly really quickly, and we don't want that."

She rolled her eyes, before looking between Latula, Rufioh, and Horuss, who were all listening intently to the phone conversation. "They can't take me. Already asked, already tried, ain't gonna work. Get your ass over here now, or there'll be shell to pay."

"Aranea will be there in five minutes, I'm sure," Karkat suggested. "Ask her."

"She's not my baby daddy," Meenah responded. "She don't have to do nothin' for me."

He rolled his eyes at her response, but he figured that this was just her punishing him for what he'd done, and there was no use in arguing. However, he gave it one last shot: "Why don't you just drive yourself?"

"You think I got the cash for that? Livin' here ain't cheap, Karkat. Like I already said, there'll be shell to pay if you ain't here."

"Okay, fine, _I'll_ be there in five minutes." He sighed, hung up, and got to his feet, pushing past his brother to leave the room. "I guess you get to tell them by yourself, Kankri, because I've got to go. Meenah needs me to take her somewhere."

"I'll accompany you then, so I can meet the unfortunate carrier of your child and inform her about how big of a mistake involving herself with you is. She will be pleased to know that I am fighting for your rights as parents, not trying to destroy your freedoms by granting older, wiser adults insight to the situation." He turned on his toes and followed Karkat down the stairs and out of the house, before offering to drive his own car for the trip. "Allow me to chauffeur you two to whatever destination you desire; this will allow you to sit in the back seat with her."

"Uh, thanks Kankri, but I really can drive. She's my responsibility, after all." But even with that reminder, the older Vantas was insistent that he do the driving. "Okay, whatever. Let me direct you to Meenah's place, and then—"

"There's no need for you to do that, as I have been to that residence once today, to pick Aranea up for some friendly chatting before confronting you. She hasn't changed much at all since we last saw each other, you know." The short car ride between their house and Meenah's was filled with Kankri's musings about Aranea and how little she had changed, which Karkat ignored all of, simply because he had bigger things on his mind.

Things would have been so, so much better for him if the largest of those things wasn't Meenah and how she was going to act around Kankri. She was playing up her condition when they pulled up in her driveway, her hands on her lower back while it was arched as much as it could possibly be, making her stomach look so much more swollen than it was. Her walk wasn't so much a walk as it was an exaggerated waddle, and, once she was in the car and they were driving off, all she was doing was complaining about how terrible she felt, as if she was just trying to make the two brothers feel bad for her.

Instead, all she got was an awkward introduction from Kankri, and the largest, most delectable burger meal around from Karkat. The first thing, she later said, was something she could have done without, but the second was just the thing she wanted. "You wouldn't bereef how badly I've wanted one of those," she said once she was done devouring every last crumb of her food. "This fuckin' kid, I swear, it's gonna turn me into one of those fat ladies you see on the TV. We're gonna get so rich from it, I'll be able to eat anyfin I want, whenever I want it."

"Do you just naturally make things into aquatic-themed puns, or is this all premeditated?" Kankri asked, interrupting her rich-and-famous fantasy. He got an empty fry container to the head for it. "Oh, I apologize. Was my terminology incorrect? Do you call them nautical puns, or just plain fish puns? It was not my intention to insult you."

"You're insultin' me just by blubberin' on and on about how I glub. Why don't you just shut up and drive? I'm feelin' like ice cream." She put a pout on her lips and looked over at Karkat, who wasn't paying any attention to her facial expression. His eyes were focused squarely on her stomach, which had grown slightly in size since the last time he had seen her. "Uh, Karkat, whatchu doin'? Aren't you gonna tell me we can get somefin else to eat?"

"I got you something to eat. You don't need to stuff your face any more than you already have tonight. We can go get ice cream tomorrow or something." All of this was said without him so much as moving his eyes, which caused Meenah to start whining in protest that he wasn't paying any attention to her and her needs. "What the fuck are you going on about? I'm not going to let you get whatever you want just because you're having a baby."

"No, but you should 'cuz I'm havin' your baby. Don't you want a happy baby and a happy momma to go with it?" She leaned a bit closer to him, the pout still prominent on her face. "Come on, just get me what I want and things'll be goin' great."

Not wanting to protest more and get punched (since he knew how strong Meenah's fists could be if she used them right), he let out a deep sigh. "Okay, fine, you win. We'll go get some ice cream."

"Aw fuck yeah. Kankri, lemme give you directions. I know a place where we can score some reely good stuff for cheap. Like, free cheap." She pulled away from Karkat and sat normally, resting her arms on her stomach just so she could tap against it with her fingers as she waited for Kankri to reply to her. "Whale, you gonna lemme give you 'em or what?"

The older Vantas boy clenched his hands around the steering wheel a bit tighter than they already were, maintaining his 10-and-2 control. "I'm adverse to you acquiring free ice cream, that's all. Shouldn't the needy and poor be the ones getting the discounted goods, not whiny and obnoxious women who are using their pregnancy cravings as a way of controlling the father of their child into doing things?"

"Uh, water you goin' on about now? You're a craysea one, buoy."

"Please refrain from using the puns in my car, please. They irritate me and should be prefaced with some kind of warning. Maybe you could wear a sign that informs everyone that you speak with such a quirk." If Kankri happened to look into the back seat of his car right then, he would have been greeted with a death glare that no one would have survived. "But, what I previously said may have been a bit of an overstepping on my part, and for that I apologize. However, since this is my car, I am not going to take you to get anything if you're just going to abuse the kindness of others and get it for no cost."

"I'm only gonna get it free 'cuz my brother works at the place. He is seariously the only reason I wanna get some of the pricey stuff and not the cheap kind." She licked her lips, forgetting all about the angry look. "Now just drive us there."

The car started moving, and Kankri had to rely on Meenah's directions to get them from the parking lot of the burger joint to the ice cream parlor she so strongly desired going to, Karkat sitting idly next to her just waiting for her to demand something else on top of this dessert. Thankfully for him, by the time they arrived at the shop on the complete opposite side of town, she was busy talking about just getting her ice cream and going home, so he was sure he was to be spared from having to spend too much more money. "So, uh, Meenah, are you just going to run in and get what you want?" he asked once they pulled in to the closest spot to the front door of the shop. "I could give you some money, and you could get anything you want..."

"Fuck that, I ain't runnin' for nothin' but maybe a fire. Ice cream shore as fuck ain't a fire. That means you're comin' in with me, Karkat, and there's nothin' you can say to make me change my mind." She unbuckled herself and him, grabbing his hand once she was done. "Now come on. I ain't makin' your brother wait here for the halibut."

"That pun didn't even make sense..." Kankri muttered, resting his head on the steering wheel. "I don't understand how someone can have a mannerism like that and not make any sense with it. I'd think that the top priority would be to make things clear."

"Maybe if you'd just listen to the fuckin' context, you'd know what I was tryin' to say!" With that mini outburst out of her system, Meenah opened the car door and carefully climbed out, pulling Karkat with her. "How can you stand to be related to him? I'd have drowned him long before this point. He's so glubbin' stupid."

"Says the one who thinks fish puns are appropriate for every conversation," Karkat snarkily replied, narrowly avoiding a fist to the face afterward. "Hey, watch it. I didn't need to bring you here."

Meenah shot back with, "Yeah, and I don't need to keep this seacret from your li'l angelfish Terezi. If you wanna keep her, you've gotta keep me happy. Now come on, before 'Tuna gets the chance to lock the doors on us."

"Did you just call your brother a kind of fish?"

"No, dumbass, I called him a short version of his name. Ain't nofin gonna get me to call him the full one." She had managed to drag him up to the front entrance at this point, and inside she spotted a tall guy with dandelion-esque hair on his head. "There he is. My annoyin' and completely hopeless brother."

Karkat wrestled his hand out from her grasp and opened the door, allowing them both to enter the empty (aside from the dandelion hair guy) shop. "Welcome! Have you come to try one of the specials of the night?" the guy literally screamed at them, tripping over his letters several times and transposing some of them. "I'm pretty good when it comes to making specials. I'm also good at making girls feel special." That's when he looked at Meenah and winked at her. "Like you. I'm sure I could treat you better than that loser you're with does."

"Holy fuckin' shit, Mituna, you just hit on your sister without realizin' it. Good job." She gave him a thumbs-up, before turning to Karkat. "This is why he works at this place, because he can't be let loose on his own without someone there to hold his little hand. He's the speshell one of the family."

"Meenah, that's you? I couldn't tell, since the Meenah I know isn't fat and she doesn't dress like an ugly lady." He beamed, before noticing that she was getting very, very angry at what he had said. "Did I just hurt your feelings? I'm sorry."

"You're makin' it reely obvs that you're the one that drank the bleach growin' up."

Dandelion hair, as Karkat was forever going to know him as, looked down at the ground and sniffled a couple times. "You're being mean to me, Meenah. I'm gonna tell mom about you and she's going to hate you more than she already does. And she's going to make you move back in with her and she'll force you to go to the gym because you're really kinda fat and it looks bad."

"I'm not fuckin' fat!" Meenah stomped down with one of her feet, screaming as she did so. "It just so happens that I'm goin places in my life! I've got my a swell buoyfrond, and we're havin' us a baby and it's so much more than you'll ever have, you stupid fuckin' asshoal!"

"I am so telling Tulip about this," he said, after looking back up at his sister mid-tantrum. "She'll be disappointed in you for doing that before me and her."

Instead of getting more angry about the things leaving her brother's mouth, Meenah just slapped herself in the forehead, running her hand over her face to try and calm herself. "Mituna, she knows. She was the first one to know anyfin about this. She's the one who passed the seacret along to Karkat here, and that's why he's with me now. Because he's got responsibilities, bein' my baby daddy and stuff."

"Tulip's sister is dating a guy named Karkat...is it the same guy?"

"Why couldn't the bleach have killed you? Yes it's the same guy! How many other buoys do you know named Karkat? That would be none, because it's a fuckin' craysea name!" Karkat was actually slightly offended by Meenah's comments, a displeasure he made very clear to her. "Sorry, nothin' against you. I'm just tryin' to make a point to my speshell bro here. He's got some real fishues."

"I can hear you, Meenah, and I don't think you're being very nice..." Once again, Mituna was sniffling and making a big deal of something that really wasn't hurting him. "I'm not going to give you any free ice cream if you keep this up. The manager said I'm not s'posed to give free stuff to you, anyway."

Her jaw dropped and she began apologizing profusely for everything she had said. "Just give me the free stuff and we'll be even," she said, stepping closer to the glass barrier between them. "All I want is a nice big bowl of a li'l bit of everyfin. All for free."

"All for free?" He pretended to contemplate her demand, before his face lit up. "Okay! All for free! One scoop of every flavor, and a little bit of all the toppings! All for free!"

"Thanks, bro. You're the best dude a gill like me could ever know." She eagerly anticipated getting to just receive her ice cream and walk out without paying a cent, and it was that greediness that Mituna capitalized on, yelling and threatening her with getting arrested once she had her bowl and was walking out. It turned out that he was lying about giving it to her for free, but since she had started eating it the second she got it, it needed to be paid for.

That was how Karkat ended up having to pay nearly a hundred dollars for a bowl of ice cream.


	3. Chapter 3

Although he had intended to be serious with his threats, Kankri didn't tell their parents a word about the situation Karkat was in, just saying that he had wanted to check up on his younger brother when he was asked about why he was back in town. That meant that someone else was going to be the one the spill the news to them, and it wasn't going to be Karkat. At least, not intentionally.

"So what did you do today? I know this was your day off this week," his dad said to him while they were sitting at the dinner table, enjoying a home-cooked meal. "You weren't home at all, and I know Terezi isn't around. Where were you?"

"Oh, just hanging around at a friend's house, that's all." Karkat had grown very used to lying to his parents, especially when confronted with the possibility of having to tell them about Meenah. He hadn't stepped foot in anyone else's house for more than a few minutes that day, and that was only when he was helping carry bags inside from the shopping trip him, Meenah, and Aranea had gone on. "Not much happened today."

His mom beamed at him, proud that he actually had other friends that weren't his faraway girlfriend to hang out with. "I'm happy to hear that, Karkat," she told him with a genuine smile on her face. "Have your father and I met this friend?"

"Probably not. New friend."

"You should let us meet them then, son. A friend of yours is a friend of ours." His dad smiled at him, and he felt his face losing all of its color. The last thing he needed was for his parents to meet any of the people he was now involved with, especially Meenah—they'd definitely subject her to rounds upon rounds of questioning, and he wasn't sure she'd be able to keep their secret hidden if she was directly asked about it.

"She's kind of shy, so I doubt she'll want to meet you. Sorry." No, he knew Meenah would just love to meet his parents; he knew she'd want to argue with them about religion and raising someone in a religious household and, most importantly, about how stupid organized religion really was. But there was no way she could meet them while she was pregnant, unless they wanted the rude awakening that their son was going to be a dad in just a matter of months.

Instead of getting any sort of reply to his denial, Karkat instead got ordered to clear the table and put all the leftover food away, even though he was still in the middle of eating. "We're having a bit of a marriage counseling session in here shortly," his dad explained, standing up from his chair, "and while it is cutting into the meal your mother so lovingly made, it is rather important that this meeting happens." He caught Nepeta trying to escape the table without being seen, and told her to help her brother out. "This place needs to be perfect when they arrive, so that means both of you get to cleaning."

Fifteen minutes later, there were four adults downstairs discussing the trials of marriage, while Karkat was sent upstairs to, for a few minutes, hang out with some rather strange guests. "Isn't it odd? I move out on my own, but whenever my parents go to counseling, I get dragged along," Aranea said, lounging on Karkat's bed. "Must be because my childhood was repressed by their relationship problems, and I need the power of religion to fix things."

"Well, your parents showing up to talk to mine has kind of saved my ass," he replied from his spot on the floor, back against the wall. "They were getting dangerously close to learning things about me and Meenah that they don't need to know."

"They still don't know about that?" Sitting on the desk chair at the foot of Karkat's bed, Rufioh shook his head. "Dude, if I knocked someone up, the first person I'd tell would be my dad. And then I'd get beat into the ground for it. But still. I'd tell him."

Aranea gave her half-brother a look that was full of disbelief. "You'd tell him if you conceived a child with someone, but you won't tell him you're dating a guy. I think you're attempting to seem manlier than you really are, Rufioh. Please don't do that. You'll make Karkat feel bad."

"He's not fucking with my emotions, Aranea, don't worry. I'm more scared of having to tell Terezi than I am about telling my parents. They'll just get a bit crazy over Meenah and how I'm handling things and I really don't want to go there until I have to." There was a soft knock at the door, and Karkat shushed up, before telling whoever was there to come in.

It was Nepeta, who wasn't there to bother her brother, but rather Aranea. "Um, your brother's crying and I don't know what I did, but I think I said something about a cat dying and now he's bawling and Vriska's trying to cheer him up but she's getting mad and I don't want them to fight and break my laptop, so could you come handle things?" she asked, in as close to one breath as she could manage. The blonde sat up, and was about to go, but Rufioh jumped from his chair and said he'd do it, following Nepeta out of the room.

"You can't keep waiting forever, Karkat," Aranea said, once the door was closed again. "Sooner or later you're going to have no way of hiding it. What about when you have no money because you've been buying all these baby things, and you have to ask them for help? Do you want them to find out about your illegitimate child that way?"

"I'm pretty sure I've got enough money to pay for these things Meenah wants me to get her."

"You spent over two hundred dollars today on just clothes. This kid still has no crib, no other furniture, and nothing in the way of supplies. It just has a wardrobe of solely pink things." She laid back down, sighing as she did. "I'm concerned for not just how you're handling things, but how Meenah is going to do once she has this kid to actually raise instead of abuse as a fashion statement."

Without so much as a knock, the door opened again, and it wasn't Rufioh coming back to rejoin them, nor was it one of the adults from downstairs. It was a tall, scrawny guy with greasy black hair that had its exposed blond roots, and the first thing he did was walk to the bed and flop down on it, causing Aranea to scream and push him off. "Oh, whatever, sis. Don't be all stupid like that. Don't you wanna have some close sibling time with me?"

"I moved out just to get away from you, Cronus. Don't touch me."

He responded by placing a single finger on her arm, which she smacked a few times until he pulled it away. "You're just as stuck-up as ever, Aranea. Never change." He then turned to look at Karkat. "You're the preacher's kid, right? The one who got kinky with Meenah?"

"More like, the one who had drunk sex with Meenah and knocked her up. But yeah, preacher's kid, that's me. Nice to make your acquaintance," Karkat said, sticking his hand out for the new guy to shake. He never took it. "What's your name?"

"Cronus. Can't believe you're friends with my little sis and I've never actually met you. My mom and that asshole of a stepdad come to your parents all the time for their problems, and I've never once met their godly son that they apparently talk about so much." Using the hand he should have been shaking Karkat's with, he ran his fingers through his disgusting hair. "Would they think you're so great when they hear about what you did to Meenah? She was a fucking beautiful girl before you got to her."

Karkat was pretty sure that there was something behind what Cronus was saying that he was trying to hide, but rather than trying to decipher it, he just closed the door and replied, "They'll probably make me marry her, knowing them. That's what they did when my sister and her then-boyfriend had a kid."

"You're not even dating Meenah, from what Aranea's told me online." He tilted his head back to use it to point to the woman on Karkat's bed. "You just got freaky with her and now you're gonna be her man for life. Pretty sweet for her."

"I wish you'd actually learn the whole story before you start attacking Karkat for things," Aranea muttered, sitting back up to flick the back of Cronus' head. "He already has a girlfriend, and she's got no idea that Karkat and Meenah is, sadly, a thing."

"Hey, watch the hair! I don't give a fuck about anyone but Meenah in this situation, honestly. If she wasn't your friend, I totally would have gone for her. But that's part of the half-brother code, I guess. No dating your sister's friends." Cronus probably would have gone on and on with his rambling, in his hard-to-understand slur-y voice, but Karkat could hear his mom calling for all the strange people to get downstairs. "We'll talk more later, I'm sure of it." He gave Karkat a thumbs-up and left the room, leaving Aranea behind.

She seemed flustered at his behavior, and profusely apologized to Karkat for it. "You have to excuse Cronus. He's a strange one, and has been for as long as I can remember. I think it has to do with the fact that his dad walked out on him when he was young..." She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. "But anyway, I will try my hardest to keep your secret safe during the meeting with your parents, and if anything happens to slip out, I deeply regret it."

"Secret? What secret?"

Both Aranea and Karkat looked to the door, where Karkat's dad stood. "Is there something I should know?"

"I'll just...go. Leave you two to talk." Aranea covered her reddening face in her hands, pushed by the older man, and ran down the stairs.

"Karkat, what was she talking about? The Vantas family doesn't keep secrets from each other. You can feel safe to tell me whatever it is you're hiding." He came into the room, closed the door behind him, and sat on the edge of the bed, patting the spot right next to him to invite Karkat to join him. "Now let loose. Your mother can handle the session downstairs for a little bit."

"Dad, I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear this." Karkat took the seat next to his dad's, interlacing his fingers and twiddling his thumbs a bit. "You're really going to be disappointed in me because of it."

His dad laughed, wrapping an arm around Karkat's shoulder to make him feel a bit more comfortable. "I know my son, and I know he's never done anything that would make me look down on him. Maybe in the eyes of the Lord he is flawed, but in mine, he is a symbol of perfection. Now let me know what you're hiding. Please. It'll stay between us."

"Well, uh, you see..." Karkat bit on his lip, trying to keep the news hidden for as long as he could. He knew that telling his dad would result in his mom finding out, which, on top of every other thing he had ever brought up in regards to them knowing, would mean that Terezi would know within a matter of days. That would make him lose her, the light of his life, and he really didn't want that. But he couldn't keep on lying to his parents, because every lie he told them killed him a bit on the inside. He was raised to be virtuous, and, even though having a child out of wedlock was one of the least-virtuous things he could think of, swearing he'd be around to help raise it was a pretty noble thing. "Dad, remember how Terezi's sister threw that party for Terezi when she got accepted to her school?"

"Yes, son, I do remember that. You came home hours after curfew that night."

"So, okay, at that party, I may have gotten really drunk, and I may have slept with Terezi's sister's best friend, and I may have accidentally made a baby with said sister's best friend." The look on his dad's face after he said that was one of shock, but the opened mouth turned into a straight line, and the eyebrows transformed the expression into one of disappointment and anger. "I'm so sorry. I swear I'm not going to just leave her to raise my kid on her own...but there's no way I'm leaving Terezi either."

His dad was mad. There was no denying his anger, and the heavy breaths he was taking just cemented it a bit more that Karkat had ultimately screwed up. "That's not how things work in this world, son, and you know it. While I am relieved to hear that you're taking responsibility for what you've done, by staying with Terezi you are just going to hurt her."

"Yeah, I know, but I don't really even like the girl having the baby. I didn't really even meet her until the day Terezi left, and that was, what, a month ago? I don't even really know her!"

"I'm aware of this, Karkat. I've seen a log of all your messages over the past month, ever since you started acting a bit, for lack of a better term, strange. You're never home, always off somewhere with a new friend you won't tell us about, and you've even skipped out on bible study night a few times! I had to know what was wrong with my son, and asking him outright was not the way to do it. Add in Kankri's visit and some of the stories Nepeta's told about you being with a seemingly pregnant girl, and I was able to get the gist of the story beforehand." He closed his eyes and pulled Karkat a bit tighter to him. "And yes, that means I know you're keeping Terezi in the dark."

He was biting his lip again, trying to not say anything that would make his dad act too harshly. "I feel so bad about this," he finally said, resting his head on his dad's shoulder, tears coming to his eyes that he really didn't want his dad to see. "Terezi deserves to know. But I don't want her to, because I don't want her to hate me."

"You know, son, God has a plan for you, and maybe not telling Terezi is part of that plan." His dad let go of him and got to his feet, giving his son a small smile, the angered look on his face disappearing. "Do what you must. Your mother and I will keep this to ourselves, I promise. It most definitely is not our place to make your decisions for you."

"Thanks, dad. Of all the ways I figured you'd react, this definitely wasn't one of them."

"You're not Meulin, you're not in a relationship with the other involved person. I can't force onto you what I did onto her." Karkat smiled, but his dad raised a single finger. "However, I will be signing you and this Meenah girl—yes I know her name, I've seen the messages, remember—up for parenting classes. If you're going to raise this child, you'll be doing it the best way you can. Now I've got a counseling session to return to. We will speak again later."

For the remainder of the night, Karkat sat in his room, staring at his phone, wondering how such a small device could betray him. Even Aranea coming back upstairs before she left to apologize once more, this time for being the reason he had to spill the beans to his dad didn't break him from his trance. He was too busy thinking about how badly things could have gone, and so he didn't even notice that his blonde friend had slipped a small piece of paper under the corner of his laptop, just begging to be read.

When he found that paper weeks later, while researching more about babies, he disregarded it, only looking at the words "beware my brother" before tossing it into the trashcan. There were more important things in his life than cryptic messages from Aranea, like how the development of his and Meenah's child seemed a bit off compared to the things both parenting class and the internet were telling him.

According to everything she had ever said to him, as well as the date of the party and their sexual encounter, she was roughly a month and a half away from her due date, something he wasn't actually sure of simply because she scheduled her visits with the baby doctor at times where he was working. He glanced at her, as she was laying on his bed, reading a book that his mom had found for her, and then back at his screen, trying to match how she looked with the diagram he was viewing. Compared to the picture, she was smaller and didn't look as far along, which just didn't match up. "Meenah, I think there's something wrong with our kid."

"Water you talkin' 'bout? The doc said everyfin's goin' great." She rested her book on her swollen stomach, just so she could look at him quizzically. "Are you tryin' to make me worry?"

"Not intentionally, no, but it's worrying me a bit. You're a lot smaller than you should be, and that makes me think there's something wrong." He swallowed down hard, really not wanting to make her freak out. "It's the beginning of October. You're due the middle of next month. You should be incredibly big right now, but you're not. Like, you're fat, I'm not even going to try to hide that from you, but you don't look like you're smuggling a basketball."

"Karkat, shut up. I know you're tryin' to feel speshell by doin' all this research, but can you not? I'm tired of hearin' your stupid stats." She picked the book up and started reading it again. "'sides, this book says I'm doin' as whale as I should be, which is just like what the doc said. Cool your jets and just let everyfin be."

He groaned, leaning back in his chair and stretching a bit. "Fine, fine, but when something goes incredibly wrong and it's something that I've mentioned a time or two that is what's wrong, don't you dare get mad at me about it. Deal?"

"I wouldn't get mad at you for nothin' other than maybe you borin' me to death. Now shut up and stop tryin' to scare me." She blew a raspberry in his general direction, but the noise of it was drowned out by an alert sound on Karkat's laptop. "Hey, c'mon, don't be lettin' that thing be so loud, 'kay? You're gonna deafen the baby."

"Meenah, it's impossible for this to do anything bad to that kid." Karkat was sitting back up correctly when he realized what that sound meant—it was notifying him that Terezi was trying to have a video chat with him. "Shit. Meenah. Get out."

"I ain't goin' nowhere, not unless you're drivin' me." She blew another raspberry, annoying Karkat as she did. "There's no way that you're gettin' me to walk all the way back to my house like this. Nope. It just ain't happenin' today."

Once again, he groaned. "Well this is fucking great. Terezi's trying to get to talk to me, and you're here and I can't chat with her while you're here. You'll just open your big mouth and tell her about me and you and what we've done and I'm not ready for that." As he rambled on and on about the predicament they had found themselves in, Meenah got off the bed and slowly left the room, closing the door as she exited. He then heard her banging against the door as she apparently sat down against it out in the hall. "Wait, did you really just do that?"

"I'm not dumb, I know that 'get out' can mean just leavin' the room. Now stop beachin' at me and just glub with your gillfrond a bit." Her voice was muffled (from what he assumed was her turning her face into the door), and he thanked her for her cooperation, before accepting Terezi's call.

When the webcam on the other side came into focus, Karkat found himself staring into the wide teal eyes of his lovely girlfriend, and the biggest smile he could muster appeared on his lips. "Hey there!" he excitedly said, putting one of his hands in the view of the camera so he could wave at her. "What's up? Why are you calling me?"

"You sound like you're busy..." She leaned back from her webcam and there he saw the small frown on her face. "Should I go? I don't know when we'll be able to do this again. You'd never believe how crazy life here has been. I've made friends, I've gone to so many events, and then my classes! There's so much work they expect me to do! I never get a moment to myself anymore, except this one, and I want to share it with you."

There were two ways for him to react: one was to tell her the truth, that he was busy, and just come clean about everything and probably have her hate him for the rest of their lives, and the other was lying. The second one was the one he went with. "I'm not busy, not at all. Sorry that I sound like I am, but I love getting to talk to you, so why would I choose to do something else over getting to do this?"

"I don't know, because maybe you've moved on from me?" There was a strong sense of dejection in her voice, and it made him wish that she was next to him so he could give her a big hug. "If you have, I'd totally understand. What use is a girlfriend living on the other side of the country who never talks to you?"

"You've got lots of use, Terezi! You're still the only girl who loves me, and you're still the only the girl I love!" He could hear Meenah out in the hall making fake retching noises, but he chose to ignore her and keep talking to his girlfriend. "Besides, when you come back to visit over Thanksgiving, we'll have lots to talk about from what's happened since you were gone." That was probably the most truthful thing he could have said without giving any hints about what was happening with him, since by the time her break rolled around, he would be toting an infant around with him. "And I'll have nothing but time for you when you're here."

"That's part of why I did this, Karkat. I'm not coming home for that break." It was then that she moved even further back from her camera, and next to her appeared some hipster-looking blond guy wearing what looked like cheap sunglasses. "My new friend Dave here invited me to come spend the break with him and, since my parents don't care about where I go, I took him up on the offer."

Anger and rage began to build up inside of Karkat, but he didn't let Terezi know that. "Oh," he said, beginning to glare at the screen and the new guy on it, "that's cool. I mean, that really is cool. I'm happy for you, making new friends and stuff."

"Uh, dude, I can hear you." The Dave guy turned his head away from the camera and faced Terezi to speak to her and not Karkat, even though it made no difference. "Why's a nice girl like you with some colossal douche like that guy? He's probably a total ass to you in person, if he's going to be all sarcastic and controlling while talking to you here."

"Dave, shush. Karkat's just a bit upset that I won't be seeing him for a bit longer than he was planning. I'll be home for Christmas, Karkat, I swear. I've got my plane ticket that'll get me home the day after classes end. December fifteenth. That's when we'll be together again." Terezi flashed him her brilliantly white smile, and he gave her a less shiny one in return, while Dave groaned and Meenah made more noises in the hall. "Wait a second, is Nepeta listening in on this?"

Karkat's eyes widened; he didn't think they were able to hear Meenah. "Yeah, probably, because that's what she does. She likes documenting what I do for her silly little blog."

"Tell her I say hi and that I miss her! Can you tell my sister that too?"

"Sure can," he replied, swallowing hard as he resisted the urge to explain that he saw Latula a lot more than she probably expected him to. At that point, he was seeing her at least three times a week, mostly when he'd be forced to drop food off at their house for Meenah. "I'll drive over there tomorrow and see if she's home, and I'll talk to her if she is. Anyone else you want me to talk to?"

She cheerfully nodded, pushing Dave away as she pulled her webcam close to her once more. "I'd like you to say hi to Vriska too, if you could. I really miss my best friend. And her sister! Aranea's probably been wondering what's going on with me, so talk to her too. That's it, though, really! Let them know I'll see them in December, and that I miss them so much!"

"I'll do all of that for you, promise." Again, it wouldn't be that hard. Aranea lived with Meenah and Latula, and he spent nearly as much time with her as he did Meenah, and then Vriska was over whenever her parents were for their counseling sessions, so as long as he was around for one of those, he'd be able to pass the message on to her. "Is that it?"

"One more thing, but this is for you and no one else, got it?" He gave her a quick nod to show that he did understand what she had said, and her face turned serious. "I trust you that you're just waiting for me, but if you're thinking me and Dave are a thing, don't think it. That would be so wrong of me, to be cheating on you while you're waiting so patiently to be with me again. I swear on my life and everything I hold dear to me that I am yours, that I will forever remain yours, and I'm as pure now as I was the day I left you there."

"That's kind of heavy and deep, Terezi. Don't you want your Karkat thinking that me and you are having fun while he's stuck alone?"

Like he did in most situations where bringing up his current state would end badly for him, he bit down on his lip. Terezi, knowing Karkat and his body language, read that as him feeling awkward in the situation. "I'm sure he really doesn't think we're doing anything, but I want to make it clear to him that we aren't. I'm being as loyal to him as he is to me."

Karkat went to say something, but Meenah happened to sneeze, and her sneezes were unlike any that Nepeta would have been able to muster, which Terezi immediately caught. She instantly asked who really was listening in on them, and he shrugged, not wanting to have to explain that Meenah was there, even though just saying that would have been an innocent thing. "Must be one of my parents' friends or something. They do that, come and listen to me. I think it's crazy."

"Well, whoever's there, tell them to go away. This is time between me and my Karkat. I even got Dave to leave for this." She suggestively winked, and he felt his face warming up at her seductive intentions.

"Go fuck yourself."

Three words, that's all Meenah said, but Terezi was on top of things, her playful actions disappearing in an instant. "I know that voice. That's not anyone one of your parents would know. Karkat, why is Meenah at your house?"

He had to act quickly to save his sorry ass from being chewed out and dumped. "She's being paid by my parents to clean the place. I totally forgot that she'd be here today. I'm probably going to get kicked out of my room so she can clean it, so I think I'm just going to go. It's been nice talking to you, Terezi. Love you."

"Love you too, Karkat. Talk to you again soon." She waved a farewell to him and he disconnected, before screaming in anger and frustration. He was so close to having blown the cover he had worked hard to create, and that meant he was teetering on the edge of losing Terezi, which was a place he didn't want to be. When Meenah brought herself back into the room, he did nothing but glare at her, while she laughed and cracked fish pun-filled jokes about how stupid the other girl was, and how she was in for a rude awakening whenever she came home.

Karkat didn't say a word to her for the rest of the night, instead choosing to text apology after apology to his girlfriend regarding how the "cleaning lady" ruined their chat. She believed every word of what he said, which made him feel a bit better, but at the same time, a bit worse. She was obviously still in love with him, and he was going to have to break her heart.

He was glad Terezi wasn't coming home until Christmas.

* * *

 **A/N: Three parts down, two to go! Please let me know if you're enjoying this story, and if you're seriously going to spam review it with stupid shit about how "such and such character is meant to be alone", or about how "this goes against canon", please remember that this is a Humanstuck AU where anything is possible. The boundaries of canon don't have to be followed. Oh, and this was originally written in _April 2013._**


	4. Chapter 4

"Does everything _really_ need to be pink?" Aranea asked, holding up a little blue and white onesie that had clouds on it. "It may be your favorite color and all, but you're going a bit overboard with the single color thing. This poor little girl is going to suffer if you don't get her cute clothes like this."

"I'm the fuckin' mom here, I say my baby gets dressed in pink. It's obvs the best color, anyway."

To say Karkat was even paying attention to what the two were arguing about was a lie, because he was more focused on how much money he'd be spending on the contents of the cart rather than their argument. It took the onesie from Aranea's hands hitting him in the face to get his attention. "Are we really going to fight about this? It's cute, why don't you just get it?"

"That's what I've been trying to say, but she's so insistent on dressing your daughter in pink that she won't look past the color to see the adorableness factor in something!" The blonde then proceeded to pull a few other things off the rack, all in colors that weren't pink. "These are in the girls' section for a reason, Meenah. Girls can wear colors that aren't pink!"

"Suck on a fuckin' dick, Aranea. I ain't got time for this shit."

She stomped her foot down hard, nearly beginning a temper tantrum. "Meenah! There are children present! Don't use such language in a store like this!"

"I'm hearin' you yell and yell and I don't reely give a damn about kiddos bein' here." She picked a fuchsia-colored dress off the rack and hugged it to her chest. "This is perf. I love me some tyrian purple."

"Tyrian purple? That's fuchsia, which is just a shade of pink. You're still gravitating solely to pink things!" In an act of desperation, Aranea threw her hands in the air and gave a loud and drawn out scream. "Why can't you just pick what's cute and not what's pink?"

"'scuse me, but I'm p sure I'm the one who's decidin' here, and I think that tyrian purple is best for my li'l gill. And I don't give two fucks whatcha think this color is, from now on I'm callin' it tyrian purple. Sounds regal and shit, like my gill is gonna be." Meenah dropped the dress into the cart and gave her friend a big smile. "Now where's Latuna? I wanna see what she's pickin' out for me."

Instead of giving her an answer right away, Aranea just smiled back and shrugged. "Knowing her, she's probably off looking at skateboards or something equally 'radical' for the child. And I can guarantee that they won't be pink or, as you wish for it to be called, tyrian purple. They'll be black and teal and red, just like they always are."

"I'll buy clothing. I'll buy furniture. But there is no fucking way I'm spending the money I've earned from delivering pizzas to ungrateful asshats on a skateboard!" Karkat pushed the cart forward, knocking it into a shelf, which promptly tipped over, sending the collection of bottles and bottle accessories that had been sitting on it tumbling everywhere. "Oh. Fuck."

"Karkat! How're we gonna get anyfin done if you're makin huge-ass messes?" He was setting the shelf back up straight and beginning to put things back where they belonged as she yelled, which made her mad, until she realized that, by fixing what he had messed up, he was most likely keeping them from being kicked out of the store. So, against every single wish that she had, she got down on the floor and started picking things up, complaining the entire time about how uncomfortable being down on the ground was.

Meanwhile, Aranea was gathering all the cute outfit she could in her arms and depositing them in a cart of her own, softly humming to herself as she did. Once the mess was cleaned and everything was back to normal, she pushed that cart away to hide it from an extremely pissed off Meenah's view. "Are we going to gather our siblings and Latula back?" she asked, tilting her head and looking at Meenah. "Or are we going to continue on with our shopping experience?"

"Fuck them. Me and Karkat have got some serious shoppin' to get done today. Now come on, we're just wastin' time standin' here, and I ain't gonna let my baby go without shit she's gonna need."

"She doesn't need this many outfits, but you're still insisting on getting all of them," Karkat snapped, rolling his eyes as he said it. His slightly random outburst caught Meenah by surprise, as she just stared at him with her mouth opened a bit. "Oh, sorry, just speaking my mind. Because, you know, I've spent so much fucking money already on clothes for this damn girl, and we still have nothing else that we need!"

"Which is why we're gonna get down to business and get our shoppin' over with. You know what babies need, I've been watchin' you look up all that info and junk, so you lead the way." She glanced into their cart at everything she'd put in it. "And I ain't puttin' back a single thing from this mighty collection here, 'cuz she's gonna need it all, I know it."

"Hey, Karkat!" a shrill voice from somewhere on the other side of the store called out, earning the attention from the dark-haired guy. "You've gotta come see this! We've found something you might like!"

"Fuckin'...what is my sister doin' callin' for my man?" Meenah half asked, half grumbled, before making her way towards the voice. Karkat followed suit, pushing the cart along as he went, thinking about just how stupid this entire shopping trip was. When he got to the source of the call, he was greeted by Meenah pinning a younger and smaller version of herself up against one of the shelves. "You've got two seconds to 'splain why you're callin' for Karkat and not me, Feferi. Or else you're gonna be in a whole lotta glubbin' pain."

The younger girl apologized a whole bunch, but wasn't let go of until Karkat grabbed Meenah's arms and calmed her down by whispering to her that she didn't need to get so worked up. "Ow, you're really kinda rough, Meenah. I didn't think you'd try to hurt me just because me and Sollux found somefin that Karkat'll have to pay for." Karkat rolled his eyes at Feferi's response. Fish puns must have been a genetic thing, and only the girls of the family got it—which meant his little girl would one day be spewing them too. He felt just a little bad that she'd be subjected to that for all her life.

"Don't call out for him, okay? He's mine and not yours and that means you don't try to talk to him unless you're dyin' and you need him to drive you somewhere. That's the only time I'm gonna let you even speak to him."

"Um, okay. But I reely think he needs to sea this." Feferi pointed to one of the boxes on the shelf she had been pinned to moments before. "Look, it's like a portable crib thing. Wouldn't that be nice, so the baby can stay at different places super easily?"

Karkat looked at the box, then the price tag associated with it. "It's a nice little thing, I guess. And it's probably cheaper than an actual crib. Since I'm already blowing all this money on clothes the baby doesn't need, I think this is what we're getting." He wanted to make a verbal comment about the unnecessary use of fish puns that he was being subjected to by the sisters, but the last thing he wanted was to turn Meenah's anger onto himself, so he held his tongue on that. "Come on, Feferi, help me get it down."

"Do you reely think that I can reach that?" Her question had a valid argument to it; she was definitely short, much shorter than everyone else present. If Aranea was around (which, honestly, Karkat wasn't sure where she had gone off to), or if Latula was there, he would have been able to get the box easily. But with just Meenah and Feferi there, he couldn't do much of anything. "I'm pretty shore that Sollux could get it for you. Here, I'll call him over here so he can help."

Before Karkat could tell her that it really wasn't necessary, she had put her fingers in her mouth and let out a loud whistle that echoed throughout the store. "Yes?" he heard a lisp-y voice ask, and soon Sollux, a guy who was even more tall and gangly than his older brother Mituna, appeared before all of them. "Why am I being called over here? Is it for Karkat?"

"Yes, it's for Karkat. He needs someone tall to get the crib thing down for him, and you're tall, so I decided that you'll be helping him." Feferi looked up at her twin brother's face and gave him a sweet little smile, which he frowned in response at. "Oh, come on, I know you two are friends."

"But that doesn't mean I want to help him. It just means I'm not going to squeal about his secret that him and Meenah are hiding. Even though it's pretty much impossible to hide this secret anymore, I guess." He sighed, causing Karkat to look down in shame. When he looked back up, Sollux had put the box on top of the clothing in the cart and had disappeared back into the mess of shelves and racks.  
After looking at the newest content of their cart, Meenah clasped her hands together and said, "So, now that that's outta the way, we've gotta get lots of other things. Water you thinkin' we should do 'bout carseats and strollers?"

"I think this is enough for one shopping trip, Meenah." Karkat resumed pushing the cart, this time in the direction of the checkout counter. "We'll come back in a couple weeks. Or, fuck, maybe I'll just come back with Aranea and Latula and your siblings, but not you. I don't know."

"You wanna leave me out of shoppin' for my little guppy? And you'd be bringin' people like my sis instead of me? Why?"  
He had a response he wanted to give her, but Feferi beat him to the punch. "Okay, so you're being kinda mean right now...how are you gonna be in a few weeks when you're super close to having your baby? I'm pretty shore you'll be the biggest beach in the whole wide world, and it won't be even a bit of fun having you around."

"Then let's get all the shoppin' done now, 'fore I'm this big beach you're so worried 'bout me bein'! I sea no problem with doin' it today, reely!"

"I do," Karkat said, continuing to push the cart away, "and it's called the fact that I don't have a lot of money right now, and I don't want to be overspending. In two weeks, I'll get whatever else we need. Now come on, before you end up making me buy half the store."

When they got to the cash register, they found Aranea making her purchase of all the cute clothing she had put in the other cart. "Oh...you're not supposed to know I was getting this stuff. These things were presents that I was going to give you when the little girl makes her grand entrance into this world." Sheepishly, she finished her transaction, before slinking away, out of the store and probably back to the house.

"Didn't I say only tyrian purple for my li'l gill?" Meenah rudely asked out loud, earning herself a glare from Karkat. "Fuckin' Aranea, thinkin' she can make me change my mind. I'm not changin' it for nothin', nope."

Instead of arguing with Meenah and making himself angry, Karkat started putting things onto the counter, just thinking about how much money everything was going to cost him. And, by the time the entire cart's contents were scanned and bagged, he was regretting ever saying he'd pay for these things. It was a lot more pricey than he had anticipated, and he knew he was going to have to beg his parents for food that week. "Hope I can get some more hours in at work," he muttered under his breath, as he paid for everything and began putting it back in the cart.

"You guys, check out this super rad thing we found!" Latula and Mituna, their arms wrapped around each other so they could walk as one, approached the little group, as Latula held a little helmet designed for babies. "When we get around to having kids, we'll have to buy a bunch of these for them! Isn't that cool?"

"Fuck, Latuna, don't you know there's more to kiddos than teachin' them to skate? I mean, first you gotta get through them bein' inside you, then they're gonna be cryin' little bastards for a while, and then the fun begins. Put that stupid shit down so we can get outta here." Meenah's words made her friend nod solemly, setting the tiny helmet down on a stack of blank thank-you notes. "You actually did it. So proud a you. Now where're we goin'? I'm feelin' hungry."

"We can get ice cream," Mituna proudly said, beaming as he did. "I work at an ice cream shop, you know."

Memories of the last time they went there flooded Karkat's mind, and he tried to dissent against the suggestion, but just the mere mention of the frozen treat made Meenah's cravings kick in, and so Karkat was forced to drive the entire group (sans Sollux, who had driven himself to begin with, and Aranea, who had already left) to the shop where Mituna worked, just so he could pretend to give them free ice cream and end up making Karkat pay a crazy amount of money thanks to the insane demands that Meenah made.

He really wished that he hadn't gotten himself caught up in this mess with these people, and he made a mental note right then to never go to parties thrown by Latula ever again.

* * *

When Karkat got home that night, he got sucked back into his family routine. Like every week, the downstairs of the Vantas household was being used for marriage and relationship counseling, and, like every week, Karkat was sitting in his room, talking to the kids of the people being counseled. Except, unlike every other week, it was the younger kids that he was entertaining, since Nepeta was sick and couldn't be with her friends like normal. "And why, exactly, isn't Aranea here?" he asked, when he saw it was just the two youngest of his friend's siblings in his room. "What, is she mad at me for what happened at the store today?"

"Probably not, but what happened at the store?" Vriska, the little brat who doubled as Terezi's best friend that always liked getting Karkat in trouble whenever she could, kicked her feet up onto his desk chair as she lay on the floor. "We don't really talk to Aranea unless we're here. Which is okay, really. She's annoying and we hate her, isn't that right, Tavros?"

Her younger brother, who, like her, was laying on the floor, gave a small and awkward laugh. "Yeah, we hate her, if by hate you mean miss her so much and wish she still lived with us."

"You know, you're kind of annoying when you say the exact opposite of what I meant." She rather forcibly slapped him then, the sound of her outstretched hand connecting with his chest not too loud, but still loud enough to let Karkat know that the much-younger boy was probably hurting from the hit. "Now agree with me, damn it."

"I can't, though! I miss Aranea and I miss Rufioh and I can't lie about that!" Tavros whimpered as she hit him again, before bursting into big tears that made his sister grumble about how much of a crybaby her brother was.

That was where Karkat decided he should step in. "He wouldn't be so much of a crybaby if you didn't hit him whenever he didn't agree with you. You're eighteen now, you should know better than to hit your brother. Especially since I could technically get the cops called on you for assault. Don't you think your dad would love that?"

"No, no no no! Don't call the cops on me!" Vriska rolled onto her side so that she was facing her crying brother. "Calm down, Tavros. You're going to get me in so much trouble if dad finds out I hit you. Don't you remember the last time you cried while you were here? Dad blamed me and he..." Her voice trailed off, as she attempted to block out some kind of terrible memory she didn't want to have. "Whatever. You've just gotta stop crying."

"Sorry, Vriska..." he sniffled, wiping tears away from his eyes. "I'm just really sad right now."

"Sad about what? You're going to see them here whenever they show up. Isn't that good enough for you, Tavros? So maybe they don't live with us, but I think it's for the best, because Aranea hates Cronus, and mom won't kick him out, so she left. And then the whole 'Rufioh likes boys' thing won't go over well with dad, so he's gone too." Vriska rested her hand on her brother's shoulder, rubbing it a bit. "It's really for the best that they're gone. Really."

Tavros sniffled again, but a smile formed at the corners of his mouth from what his sister said. "I guess you're right," he said quietly, before sitting up and moving closer to where Karkat was. "And it's thanks to Karkat here that I get to see my biggest siblings, so I guess I should give him a hug..."

"Don't touch me."

The younger boy did as Karkat coldly told him, scooting back towards where he had originally been laying down. "I still really miss when Aranea would come in my room and tell me stories before I'd fall asleep, or when me and Rufioh would stay up all night playing games and watching movies and brotherly bonding." He looked at Vriska, who was still sprawled out on the floor. "Sorry, but you're just not good enough at storytelling. And Cronus sucks at video games, and he's got really bad taste in movies."

"It's okay, I know about Cronus sucking at games. Eridan's a bit more competent, but since he doesn't exactly live with us, we can't force him into playing with us all the time. We're stuck with our mid-twenties older half-brother who can't do anything fucking right." Vriska muttered some more choice words under her breath, with the two guys in the room looking at her the entire time. "What? I can't stand him. He sits on his ass and annoys me. But I argue with him even a little bit, and I'm the one in trouble. I should have pulled an Aranea and gotten the fuck out while I could."

"But if you left, then I'd be stuck with mom and dad and Cronus by myself, and I'm too young to leave too." By the strong waver in Tavros' voice, it was apparent that merely the thought of losing his other older sister was something he didn't want to deal with, and Vriska took that as her cue to sit up next to him and envelop him in a big hug. "Vriska, I can't be without you. You're my favorite sister even if you're mean."

"Of course I'm your favorite, I didn't move out to live with my friends. Doesn't help that my closest friend lives what feels like halfway across the world." She sighed, resting her head on the top of her brother's, as Karkat leaned in to listen to what she was about to say. "I haven't talked to her in forever, and the last time I did, it was all about her and her new friend, and how cool he is, and how much fun he is, and all that. Fucking Dave."

The mention of that blond guy made the hair on the back of Karkat's neck stand up for some reason, and he wondered just how much Vriska knew about him (and his relationship with Terezi) that he didn't. "Hey, uh, Vriska? Did she say anything about me in that conversation, maybe even a little thing?"

"Yeah, no. Didn't mention her dear Karkles even a tiny bit." Vriska chortled at the name she used, which irked Karkat a bit, so he implored her for more. "But, I will say that she was, um, a bit flirty with Dave. Lots of touching and teasing. I think she may have a thing going on with him...which is perfectly fitting, since you and Meenah are now together."

"We are not together! The relationship between me and that bitch is complicated, okay?" He didn't want Vriska thinking that he was with Meenah, because he really wasn't, and when he saw the smile on her lips, he knew she was just playing around with that statement. "I am fully loyal to Terezi, regardless of what's been going on between me and Meenah lately. This is the result of one mistake, and she knows it. I know it. And Terezi will never know it."

"You're right, she won't. Because by the time you talk to her again, she'll be so far past you that I wouldn't be surprised if she's hearing wedding bells in her thick head."

Karkat screamed, startling Tavros, which in turn made Vriska regret what she had said. "Maybe lying to him isn't the best thing you could be doing here..." the younger boy said, squeezing his sister tightly to calm himself down. "You should be telling him happy things. That Terezi still loves him and all that."

"Why should I lie to the man for the sake of his own happiness? He knows he's fucked things up, so he should realize that my best friend, his girlfriend, isn't going to want to be with him any longer." Vriska smiled a bit bigger, but Karkat was too busy screaming more in frustration to notice it. "Hey, Karkat! How does it feel, knowing that your lack of ability to keep your pants on has lost you the best girl you were ever gonna get?"

"Shut the fuck up! I don't need to hear this from you, not when I hear it from your sister enough!" Karkat's arms were thrown over his head and he returned to his screaming, before grabbing a pillow and muffling his face with it.

"Wow, Aranea says that? Must be right then, because I don't think I've ever known a time where Aranea is wrong." There was an obvious element of sarcasm to Vriska's voice, but Karkat apparently didn't pick up on it, because he continued to scream. "I'm just playing with you here, Karkat. They weren't flirty, she's not in love with him, and she certainly did talk about you. A lot. Every other sentence out of Terezi's mouth was about you."

The screaming ceased and the pillow moved from his face. "You mean that?" he warily asked, pulling the pillow from his face. "Or is this another one of your mean jokes?"

"No, this is me coming clean from the joke. Sorry that I worried you like that, I guess, but it was fun while it lasted." That was something about Vriska that Karkat had always hated, and that had always made him question why her and Terezi were such great friends. "She's madly in love with you, and she always will be. No swanky asshole at a ritzy smartkid school will change her mind."

"Thanks, that's really reassuring." As sarcastic as he knew he sounded, Karkat meant what he said, and he proved that by throwing the pillow back down and forcing Vriska to stand up just so he could hug her. "You're almost as good at cheering me up as Aranea is."

Tavros, with his wavery voice, asked then when, exactly, the older girl would be showing up. "Um, good question," his sister replied, pulling herself out of Karkat's hug. "Probably whenever her and Rufioh leave their place and get over here, I suppose."

"Hey, is this where the party is?" a scratchy voice asked, opening the door to the bedroom without so much as a knock. The mere appearance of Cronus made his two younger half-siblings step away, and the tall man locked eyes with Karkat and laughed. "Yeah, guess it is. Looks like you're tryin' to get your creep on my little sis, aren't you?"

"What? No! I'm just talking to her, that's all."

"Last time I checked, talking doesn't involve hugs." Since Vriska wasn't actively hugging Karkat when the remark was made, both instantly knew that the older man had been spying on them—for how long, they didn't know. "You're tryin' to cop a feel on Vriska's tits, and you can't even lie." The bluntness of Cronus' accusation made Karkat get flustered and try to explain that he really wasn't, that it had just been a friendly hug, but there was no buying it. "What the fuck is wrong with you, man? You're already, what, in two relationships? Do you really need to be starting a third?"

The mere comment that he was in more than one relationship was the last straw for his temper, and he let loose on the newcomer. "I am _not_ with Meenah, okay? You could say I was with any other fucking girl in the world, and I would be okay with that, not accepting, but okay, but you say I'm with her and I just have to say I'm not! I hate her! I regret doing what I did to her, and I'll take responsibility for what I did, but I am not dating her, and I won't ever be with her! I am with Terezi and that is fucking that!"

"So cute, how you're in denial about being with Meenah, when it's totally obvious that you are. She's got you wrapped around her finger—which is okay with me. I mean, rather you than me. I'd hate to know my one night stand with her ended with her being knocked up." He gave Karkat a look that showed no pity whatsoever, before he leaned up against the wall and put an unlit cigarette in his mouth. "Makes me so happy to know she's got a well-off dad for her baby."

"Can you be any louder, boys?" Making her way into the bedroom, Aranea smiled in Karkat's direction (although her eyes seemed to be focused more on the floor than anything else), before sitting next to Tavros and protectively wrapping him with her arms. "I'm pretty sure the adults downstairs heard that entire argument. I know I heard it."

Cronus turned his focus to his sister and snorted. "Do you think I care if they heard it? I think my mother would be proud of me if I was anything like Karkat, down to the accidental child."

"I think she would be disgusted by it. You're a lowlife creep and you know it, and she would feel terrible if she knew you..." Her voice trailed off and she became completely silent, losing the will to argue back with her brother for some unknown reason.

"Quiet. Just how I like you." He snorted again, before pulling a lighter out and lighting what was in his mouth and taking a drag of it. "This is nice. I like asserting my dominance around little kids, know-it-all bitches, and stupid guys who can't keep it in their pants. At least I haven't gotten any chicks pregnant yet."  
Shaking away the initial disgust that he had given her, Vriska found her voice and spoke. "You've only ever slept with one girl, though. That one that you snuck in through the window. We heard you two moaning all night. Wish I had seen her or caught her name..." That was when Aranea abruptly stood up and walked back out the room, still in silence. "Huh. Wonder what got into her."

Minutes later, everyone except Karkat was called downstairs for their meeting and he was left in his smoke-smelling room just teeming with anger at what Cronus had said. How dare some asshole like that guy enter his house and make him feel this way, he thought, before getting on his computer and typing out his frustrations. There was no sense on dwelling on his anger, which meant a lot of angry documents were to be written that night, just like many other occasions over the past few months in his life.

* * *

 **A/N: I hope everyone's enjoying this so far! Next week is the last installment-please stay tuned!**


	5. Chapter 5

"Karkat!" It was a relief to hear Terezi's cheerful voice, especially after the events of the previous night at home and the early afternoon at work. When he had gotten home after having no less than four pizzas thrown in his face, he was excited to see that Terezi wanted to chat with him, and seeing her brought a smile to his weary face. "It's been a while! How are things with you?"

"They're going about as well as you'd expect," he told her, although it was mostly a lie. How was she to expect that he was dealing with everything that he was? As far as she knew, all he was doing was working, and there was no way at all that she'd know about Meenah. "Work sucks pretty bad, but it's money. Can't argue with that."

"Yeah...what are you going to do with all that cash you've been getting that hasn't been used on taking me to dinner?" She laughed, and he chuckled back, although his mind was focused on the fact that he knew exactly what he did with that money, plus a lot more that he would have saved otherwise. "When I come home, I expect a nice dinner date, okay?"

He swallowed down hard and nodded. "Yes, sure thing."

"Is something wrong? You didn't sound enthusiastic about that. It's only a month until we'll see each other again. Not too bad, right?"

"Nothing's wrong, and yeah, not too bad." He was going to ask why her return was a month away when Thanksgiving was right around the corner, but the blond-haired figure known as Dave appeared behind Terezi then, and he was the only reminder Karkat needed that his girlfriend was spending time not at home for the holiday. "Oh, hey, Dave."

"If I had known you were on chat with this loser, I wouldn't have come in," Dave said, completely ignoring Karkat's greeting. "Come on, we've got a group together for some games, and you need to be there. Ditch the asshole and let's go."

Terezi rolled her eyes and waved Dave away. "No thanks, I need to get some good, quality time in with my Karkat. If I wasn't going to be spending break with you, I'd go, though."  
"Whatever. I'll be in the lounge if you want to lose the tool." Without another word (or even an apology in Karkat's direction), Dave was gone, and Terezi was left shaking her head at his random appearance.

"Sorry about that," she said apologetically, before bouncing back to her previously chipper demeanor. "I just can't wait until we're back together! Being with my new friends, and Dave, is fun, but I miss you more than I love them."

Her classifying Dave in his own category worried Karkat just a bit, but he made no comments about it, figuring it was just a reference to their close friendship. "I miss you so much, Terezi. It's been boring and hellish here without you."

"Because of work and that silly marriage counseling thing your parents are doing, I'm assuming." Like she normally did, Terezi knew more than she should have, but Karkat was positive she was aware of the counseling from Vriska. "What's it like, having all those weirdos in your house every week? Vriska's a babe, Aranea's pretty cool, and Tavros is alright, but the others...ick."

"It's not too bad. I'm getting along pretty well with Rufioh because of it." Totally untrue; Karkat knew for a fact that his rocky friendship with Aranea's older brother wasn't because of him coming over to the Vantas house all the time, but rather because of Karkat himself going to the house a couple blocks over where Rufioh lived. "And I guess Nepeta's super good friends with Tavros now, even if Vriska is always being mean to that poor little kid."

"Figures," Terezi said with a laugh. "Vriska's incapable of being nice to Tavros. It's just not possible. I've known her since we were in diapers and, from the day they brought that boy home, she's been mean and nasty to him."

"Oh, she can be nice to him. I saw it myself. They were talking about their siblings and Tavros started crying and she comforted him and cheered him up. It was pretty nice, actually." Karkat sighed, thinking about that conversation where that occurred, and how everything else in it wasn't as cute as the sibling bonding that had happened. "But that's the only time I've ever seen her be nice to him. Ever."

Terezi's face lit up with a giant, goofy grin. "That's the Vriska I've always wanted to see for myself! I knew she had some goodness in her!"

"You're so cute, Terezi."

Her grin faded and her cheeks became covered in a bright blush. "Shh, don't say that. I'm not that cute. I'm just happy that my best friend isn't as cold of a bitch all the time as I thought. Is that illegal or something?"

"No, not at all. I guess I'm just missing seeing this behavior all the time, when you're around me." He let out another sigh, feeling a tear or two coming to his eyes. "It's been really hard not having you here, Terezi. I miss you."

"Hard? What's been so hard? You know I'm coming back soon enough, and when I am back, we'll be together all the time. Do you think your parents will let me sleep at your house sometimes? I'd like it if they would."

Seeing Terezi be so happy and cheerful about being back with him made him really want to cry. When she did come back, their relationship wouldn't be the same, it just couldn't be. He'd have Meenah and the baby to take care of, and that would leave Terezi out in the cold. She noticed that something upsetting was getting to him, evident by the way she asked about the tears in his eyes. "I don't think you want to hear it," he said after collecting himself to remove any possible waver from his voice. "It would upset you."

"Oh, come on Karkat! You can tell me!"

There was a lump in his throat preventing him from spilling everything—but after swallowing down hard, he realized that this was as good a time as any to just tell her. "Okay, you asked for this. Remember your party for getting accepted into college?" She gave a small nod, meaning he had to continue. "Well, as I've told you, I exchanged numbers with Meenah at it, but I never told you why that happened. I didn't know why until later, until after you left."

"Is it because she was enamored with how amazing you are?"

"No, Terezi, it's not. It's because I slept with her." Saying those words, that beginning part of this secret he'd be hiding, felt like he was slapping his girlfriend across the face. But instead of her getting angry about it, she shrugged it off. "Wait, you're not mad?"

"Drunk people do dumb things at parties. Would you believe that they've convinced a drunk me to do some things I'm ashamed of? Because they have. Me judging you for cheating on me with Meenah like that would just be wrong." She looked a bit hurt, but other than that, everything seemed just fine. "Just don't do it again."

"I don't plan on it." He focused his eyes squarely on the camera, before letting his lips form a tiny smile. "I love you, Terezi. I'm going to go now, but I love you. Don't forget that." As soon as she said she loved him too, he ended the call, not wanting to let anything else slip about the Meenah situation. She was understanding about one part, but if she found out about the rest of the story, he was certain that she would leave him. And that was one thing he didn't want to happen for as long as possible.

His actions couldn't have come at a better time, because no sooner than his laptop was closed did his door open and Aranea come walking in. "Karkat, can I talk to you?" she asked, before answering her question for herself and sitting on his bed uninvited. "Okay, good. There's a problem."

"Problem?" He rubbed at his eyes, trying to get rid of the stubborn tears, and spun in his chair so that he was facing Aranea. "What kind of problem are we talking about here?"

"Meenah, that's what. Something's not right with her."

He grimaced at Aranea's mentioning of the name, but after his initial disgust, a sense of worry overtook him. "I can tell you what's not right with her. She's still got that kid in her, and, unless every single website aimed at expectant mothers lied to me, it should be here now. I should be able to hold my baby girl _right now_ but I can't because she's still just chilling out inside her mom! Do you know how mad that makes me? Something bad can happen to my baby because of this! It's not healthy for a baby to be in there that long!"

"No, that's not the problem." Aranea's gaze was focused on the floor, and nothing Karkat said made her look up. "The problem is that Meenah's being bitchy and kicked me out of the house for the time being. But that is a very serious problem. I...didn't know about that."

"How didn't you know? You're the one she's insisted on taking to all her appointments, not me. You should know exactly when she's due and all that shit, because, unlike me, you've been there when the doctor's been saying it! I've had to use the knowledge of when the party was and several websites to get that information! Why do you not know that this is a problem?"

Aranea opened her mouth slightly, but promptly closed it once more, choosing not to voice whatever thought had just occurred to her. "Karkat, I didn't realize it, that's all. I must have mentally mixed months up, because, yes, from the party to now, that would be a proper gestation period, and..."

"And?"

"I believe Meenah's behavior today is just a reflection of the pain and discomfort that carrying a child to term is inflicting on her. So that's really not a problem. However, me being kicked out for now is. Would you like to come home with me to visit her?" For once, she looked from the ground and made direct eye contact with Karkat, and he noticed right away that her eyes were red, as if she had been doing a lot of crying. "Well, would you?"

"I guess I've got no choice," he answered, looking away from her. "I mean, it's my fault she's doing this, and I'd really like to express my concern about wanting to hold my baby."

Realizing that he wasn't going to turn back to look at her again, Aranea's eyes shifted back towards the floor. "Yes, of course. That's...good. Come on, we should go now before she kicks anyone else out."

They got to the other house right as Meenah was yelling at Latula, her face bright red from all the anger and energy she was exerting to throw herself a temper tantrum. The older Pyrope was backed against the wall, a skateboard in hand, as she had curse after curse slung at her, but once the door opened and Aranea and Karkat walked in, she found the courage to step forward. "Oh, lookie here, look who decided to fuckin' show his face 'round here again," Meenah quite literally hissed from her spot on the couch, noticing Karkat. "Good on you. Been wantin' to have a word with you."

"Before you two, ahem, have a discussion," Aranea said, stepping in front of Karkat and mostly blocking him from Meenah's view, "I was curious as to my status on living here. Am I allowed back in?"

"Yeah, yeah, shore thin', just gotta keep li'l skater gill there from breakin' her fuckin' head open, got it?" She waved a perfectly manicured hand in Latula's direction, and Aranea smiled. "But you're welcome back. And she is to. In fact, why don't you two sit in here for mine and Karkat's talk we're 'bouts to have?"

The skateboard hit the floor as Latula, a clearly fake smile plastered on her face, nearly dived for the closest recliner to her spot. "Sure thing, Meenah! Just let me have this chair—it's the comfiest!" As a stark contrast to Latula's reaction, Aranea had a all-too real frown upon her lips as she chose the chair right next to the one Latula picked, leaving the only open spot (sans the floor), right next to Meenah, for Karkat.

"Okay, so, y'all are here. Golden." Meenah dramatically sighed and, once Karkat was seated, propped her feet up on his lap. "Now, we're gonna talk 'bout my li'l guppy. Wait, 'scuse the mistake, mine and Karkat's li'l guppy. Because, it's almost time."

"Almost time?" Karkat repeated, worry in his voice. "If I read right, it should be time any day now...are you being serious or is this a fucking game to you?"

"I'm as searious as I can be, loverboy." She puckered up her lips and made a few kiss noises at him, making him roll his eyes. "Now, there's a bit of a fissue when it comes to the babe, and that would be Latuna's sis. You're still with her, yeah?"

He nodded, figuring that Meenah was going to tell him to break up with her. "Yes, and I plan on staying with her. I'll help with the baby, but my heart's with Terezi."

"I respect that. In fact, I am okay with that. No, wait, I'm more than okay with that. I'm so okay with it that I think you'll like this next part: how about you and 'Rez just take the kid off my hands for me? I did my sufferin' because of her, so you two can raise my bundle o' joy for me." She batted her eyelashes and puckered her lips again. "Please, Karkat, it's all I want. I don't need a kid to be raisin' when I'm barely a grown-ass woman."

"Whoa, what the fuck? No! I'm not...no!"

"Shoulda realized you're too smart for that. Okay, fine, we'll just share her. Good enough for me. I've got these two gills here to help me out." She looked between Aranea and Latula, both of which gave her a solitary thumbs-up. "'Kay, thanks Karkat. That's all I needed you for today. Come back next time me an li'l Pearl need you."

"Wait, hold on, did you just call it Pearl?"

She gave him a big grin and patted her large stomach a few times. "Shore did. That's her name, yanno."

"How fitting," Aranea quipped, catching dagger eyes being shot at her by Meenah. "Well, you know, it really is fitting. Karkat's in an established relationship and is having a child outside of said relationship, kind of like what happened between Hester Prynne and Dimmesdale in _The Scarlet Letter_ , and Hester named her daughter Pearl, as she was the finest thing she'd have in life..."

"Fuck that literary nonsense. I'm namin' my babe that because it's fishy. Pearls come from clams, and clams are fuckin' cool."

Knowing Meenah's temper was about to explode because of Aranea's comments on the rather dumb name she had picked out, Karkat got out of the house and stood right outside the front door, where he listened in on whatever conversation followed the one he just escaped from from. "Fuckin' asshole," he heard Meenah grumpily say, which he knew was directed at him. "Who does he think he is, sayin' what he said? He don't know when I'm s'posed to have this baby, he hasn't been invited along to the doc with me!"

"He did his own research, and he's a brilliant guy," Aranea replied, at which Karkat smiled. Hearing her stand up for him when Meenah was putting him down was a nice thing, even if he wasn't supposed to be listening. "He's just like his brother, except Kankri would never get himself into this situation..."

"Don't be fuckin' swoonin' over that uptight asshole 'round me, Aranea. We ain't worryin' about him, it's his 'smart' brother I'm worried 'bout. He's gonna notice somefin's up here very soon if we don't do nofin 'bout it."

As interested as he was in this conversation, he knew he couldn't stick around too much longer; a car had pulled up in the driveway and its occupants would give away his snooping if they got the chance. That was how he ended up hiding in the bushes, hoping that no one would notice a shoe sticking out of the plants. No one did, and as soon as the two guys from the car were in the house, Karkat was away on foot.

He never did notice whatever Meenah was referring to, or, at least, that's what he thought.

* * *

As it turned out, Karkat's research was incredibly incorrect, because it wasn't until a month later that Meenah had her baby. Instead of mid-November as he had thought, it was the direct middle of December that things started happening, after over two weeks of fearful conversations between him, her, and Aranea about how tragic events could potentially occur. "You know, the placenta dies and kills the baby if nothing is done two weeks after the due date," Aranea said during one of the earliest conversations, a hint of sass in her voice as she said it. "And, Meenah, I know you don't want your kid dying like that."

"Oh hush your face, ain't nothin' like that happenin' to my li'l gill. She'll be just fine when she gets her pretty li'l self outta me."

All Karkat did was cross his fingers and pray to the god that his dad so strongly believed in that nothing bad would happen to this baby girl that he had started to fall in love with. As the days went on and the fear levels rose, his prayers became more and more frequent, each one focusing on how the baby needed to be safe and alive whenever she was born.

Eventually, those prayers turned to ones of making sure things didn't happen on the same day, as new fears arose that Meenah could quite possibly go into labor on the day that Terezi came home from college. Karkat had told her numerous times that he'd be the one picking her up from the airport when she got back, and that nothing would stop him. But the imminent arrival of his child may just have been the one thing that could.

As he sat right outside of Meenah's hospital room, since she insisted that he wasn't inside for the birth, that she could handle things on her own, he felt absolutely terrible that he had left Latula to pick her sister up, instead of him going to get her. He could hear the screaming inside the room where he so desperately wanted to be, and that was when he felt Aranea's hand gripping his arm, her nails digging into his skin. "Karkat, we should be there. We're who she brought with her."

"You're only here because Latula couldn't be, and I'm here because this is my fault..."

"Don't think like that!" With her free hand, Aranea grabbed right under Karkat's chin and turned his head so he was facing her. "We're here because we deserve to be, because Meenah loves us and wants us here for this big moment in her life. I'm sure soon she'll let us in."

"Yeah right, she doesn't want us to be around her while she looks terrible." He sighed, trying to turn away from the woman, but she didn't let go. "Ugh, please just let me get back to my brooding. I could be with Terezi right now."

She didn't move her hand that was holding his chin, instead loosening the grip she had on his arm with the other one. "I understand that, but you impregnated Meenah, and this is your consequence for that. You can see Terezi later, after you meet your daughter for the first time. Sound like a plan?" Since he didn't feel like arguing with her about it, he agreed that it did. "Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to ask if we can go in." Finally, she let go of him and rose from her chair, peeking her head inside the room they were waiting by. When she walked back over to him, she grabbed his hands and pulled him to his feet. "Come on, we're allowed to see her."

"I wonder if that means that she's had the kid yet..."

"We would have heard crying if she had! We'll be sitting right by as your little girl makes her way into the world—isn't that exciting?"

Karkat grumbled, because as much as he didn't want to admit it, it kind of was exciting, especially since this event had been so long in the making. Before they were allowed to get anywhere near Meenah, they both had to don stereotypical hospital gear, so when they got to actually see her, they were both dressed for the occasion. "Don't even fuckin' talk to me," she muttered, turning her head to face the opposite direction from them both. "I don't wanna hear whatever it is you're gonna say. Just lemme have my li'l Pearl in peace, okay?"

They did exactly what she asked, Karkat only ever saying that he was so proud of her and her strength when the going got rather tough. He was nervous, apparent by his hands shaking as he sat next to Meenah's bed and waited. And waited. And waited some more. Maybe he drifted off at some point, but he mostly waited. It wasn't until the early morning hours that things started to get interesting, and it wasn't until too long before sunrise that the little girl finally made her way into the world.

When her mom got to hold her for the very first time, and Karkat got to look at her, something seemed off. This was a little girl with a dusting of light hair, while both of her parents had dark locks. She was pale, much like her mother was, but that was to be expected. The most obvious clue that something wasn't right was that, while Karkat and Meenah both had families where rounded facial features ran rampant, this little girl's face was much more elongated and thin.

And when Aranea got to look at her, her eyes widened to the point that they were nearly the size of plates. "That girl has my mom's chin..." she said under her breath, before looking a bit closer. "And that hair looks more like my mom's than either of yours..."

"Water you talkin' 'bout, Aranea? This kid's mine and Karkat's, you know that." Meenah smiled down at the child she had resting against her chest. "You're not sayin' I've been lyin' about that, are you?"

"Yes, actually, I think I am! I know who that kid looks like, and it's not you or Karkat. Karkat shouldn't even be here! He's not the baby's father!"

Karkat blinked for a second in stunned silence, before speaking. "Wait, what? I am, though. That's what I've been told. That's what you've been telling me."

"I should have said something back when you pointed out that she should have been due last month! There's no way this little angel could have survived a month longer inside her mom than she should have!" Aranea pointed at the baby, who let out a tiny yawn. "She was born today because she was supposed to be! Karkat, when you slept with Meenah at that party, you didn't make this baby. This baby wasn't made until she got snuck into my brother's bedroom one night! This is Cronus' kid, isn't it?"

Meenah pursed her lips, thinking of how she was going to respond, before she gave up and nodded rather solemnly. "You got me, Aranea. Way to point it out."

"I've been resisting pointing it out now for months! The facts were all there right before my eyes, and I just prayed that no, it wasn't true, that you really were having this kid with Karkat, who spent all that money on you, and that it was just coincidence that everything pointed to Cronus, not to Karkat! But no, you were just stringing us all along with these lies. What, did you realize that Karkat was so much better than my brother? That he's actually able to hold a job and make money, while my brother sits around and is abusive to everyone all day? Meenah Peixes, you've fucked up royally, and I am _not_ cleaning up after your ass this time."

To say that Aranea was mad would be an understatement. She was fuming, shooting Meenah death glares that she probably wished would actually kill her. And then she looked at Karkat, and her entire expression softened. Instead of anger, there was pity and sorrow. "Karkat, I apologize for what she's done to you. I promise that we'll fix this, and by 'we'll' I mean Meenah and my brother. You did no wrong here, and I'm so, so sorry that you've been used like this."

"So I don't have a daughter?"

She shook her head, before going back to glaring at Meenah. "No, you don't. Meenah does. Cronus does. But you don't."

"So I can go home, sleep some, and go be with my girlfriend, and not need to tell her that I have a baby she needs to meet?"

"Yes, Karkat, that's exactly it. You've been used by a royal bitch, and I can't tell you how sorry I am that I didn't inform you that there was something, um, fishy about this entire situation."

Karkat thanked his lucky stars and whatever god there was above for this freedom, but before he left the scene that was about to turn chaotic, he got a good glimpse into the barely-open eyes of the little girl on Meenah's chest. "It's okay, I think being here and having gone through all of this will make me a better man in the long run."

For the five minutes or so that he thought he was a dad and that his baby was in the room with him, Karkat had mentally prepared himself for the trials of being a father. Now that he didn't have to worry about it (at least, not for a long time), he wasn't sure how to feel. One thing he did feel was awe, just seeing those little eyes look at him, and it brought a smile to his face. As he was leaving the room, he could hear Aranea going off on Meenah once more, and she deserved it. She really did.

But Karkat hadn't deserved anything that had just happened to him over the past several months, and he was ready for a nice nap and to see his girlfriend again.

* * *

It was mid-afternoon by the time he finally had the energy to drag himself across town to Terezi's house, and standing on the front step, waiting for her to open the door and let him in, he realized that she was going to be rather pissed that he was almost a day late on seeing him. But, and this was a very big but to him, he didn't need to break the news to her that he had a kid with someone else. There were lots of fuzzy memories about that hospital scene, but knowing that he wasn't the father of Meenah's baby was definitely something he remembered clearly.

The door opened, and, just like he had hoped and expected, the girl of his dreams was standing there, her freckled arms at her sides, her blue eyes wide with happiness. "Karkat!" she exclaimed, rushing forward, nearly tackling him to the ground in her excitement. "What happened yesterday? Latula said you were at the hospital! Did something happen to Nepeta? Did one of those creeps in your neighborhood get to her? My mom is a lawyer, you know!"

He chuckled to himself, wrapping his arms tightly around his girlfriend's body. "No, no, nothing happened to Nepeta. It's kind of a stupid reason why I was there, and it's a long story."

"Okay, what happened then, if it wasn't to your sister?"

"Can we go inside? I'd rather tell you this in your bedroom than out here." She nodded, and he let go of her, just so that she could grab his hand, lace her fingers between his, and pull him into the house and straight down the nearest flight of stairs, into the basement that she called her room. Once in there, she playfully pushed Karkat onto her bed, just so that she could lay down next to him and rest her head on his shoulder.

"Now that we're here," she said, running a finger up and down his chest, "what wouldn't you tell me when we were outside?"

"Shush for a second, I'm admiring your beauty." His eyes traveled her body from head to toe—from her messy red hair to her freckly face, down to her modest chest, and finally to her muscular legs and dainty feet. Just seeing her like this made him sigh, and really wish he didn't have to tell her the story. But she needed to know, so he started after a second sigh. "Remember how I told you I slept with Meenah?"

She rolled her eyes, but laughed as she did so. "Yes, I remember. What, did you do it again? I thought you loved me, not her."

"No, it was a one-time thing. So anyway, the day you left for college, your sister told me that Meenah was pregnant with my kid, and, like the stupid-ass fuck I am, I believed her. And so that damn bitch used me and my money for the past several months, and the kid wasn't even mine!" He hadn't meant to sound so angry, but just thinking about the situation ticked him off, and recalling it was a great way to express his displeasure. "Your sister, I don't know if she figured it out or not, but Aranea did. She figured out that I wasn't the dad, that Cronus was, and she didn't tell anyone she knew that until this morning, when we all saw the baby and it looked nothing like me."

"I...wow, Karkat. That's some deep stuff right there. Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?"

"Because I didn't want you to break up with me while you were away. I was intending on staying with you, even if I would have parenting duties elsewhere. Well, now I don't have those duties, so I can be with you all I want." He snuggled her a bit closer, but she pushed herself away. "Uh, what's wrong? Why aren't you cuddling?"

"I don't want to cuddle with a jerk who thought he was having a baby with some whore!" Terezi tried to keep a straight face as she said that, but she smiled and burst into laughter. "Oh, you know I'm just playing. Here, I'll cuddle you nice and hard. How much money did she make you spend?"

He attempted to shrug, but the position they were currently in prevented that from happening. "Enough to make me actually ask my parents to help me out. I think I'm a few hundred bucks in debt to my dad right now. I bought _everything_ for that bitch. Baby clothes, all the essentials...hell, I even furnished the nursery in their house! All for nothing but the shame that I believed her for a second that I was her baby's dad!"

"That really sucks, Karkat. And you said that Cronus actually is the daddy? As in, the icky-as-fuck older brother of my best friend? He's actually gotten laid before?" Terezi had to stifle a laugh, because her third question was something she found quite hilarious. "I don't know who to feel bad for here. I almost want to say I'm sorry to Meenah for her not having had your kid."

"Wait, you're not mad about this? I just basically told you that I spent thousands of dollars on this bitch, but in less specific terms."

"Why would I be mad?" she asked in return, pressing her face hard into his neck. "One day, you'll be spending that much money on me. Except, when you do spend it on me, it'll be because you love me and want to have kids with me, not because I'm taking advantage of you like that whore did."

"Who said we were ever having kids?"

She grinned, her eyes crinkling at their corners. "I did. Me and you. Someday, in the future, that's what we're going to do."

"Whatever you say, Terezi, whatever you say." He rested his head on hers, idly playing with a strand of her hair. "I think I'm done with babies for now, though. I don't want to enter another baby store for a long fucking time."

"Okay, but as soon as you're ready, let me know. I'm itching to see how good you are in bed, especially since I have somet—" She abruptly stopped mid-sentence, her happy mood instantly disappearing. "Fuck. I didn't just almost say that."

"Didn't almost just say what?"

"That I have something to compare you to." Although she had stopped herself successfully the first time, her second attempt was a failure, and she covered her face with her hands. "Oh no. Now you know something you shouldn't."

It took Karkat a moment to realize that Terezi had accidentally told him that she had slept with someone, but when he got it, he gasped in not-really-surprised shock. "Oh, let me guess, it was Dave, wasn't it?"

"Well, yeah, it was...but not because I like him!" She was flustered, and rightfully so; for as long as Karkat had known her, she had been completely about staying pure until marriage, and, because of that, they hadn't ever had sex in the nearly two years they had been dating. And there she was, saying she had partaken in sexual activities with some guy she barely knew in comparison. "It was for a dare. It helps that he was drunk off his ass when he suggested it, and that I got enough money to pay for one of my classes out of it, doesn't it?"

"No, it doesn't help, but I guess it means we're even." Karkat cringed at even the thought of his pretty little Terezi sleeping with that asshole Dave, but, then again, Terezi must have been haunted by the thought of him sleeping with Meenah. "Never mention any of this again?"

"How about no, we use this as a learning experience for our future children. When we tell them they're not allowed to drink or have friends who drink until they're legal, they can learn why."

The visualization of them being older, with kids their own age, made Karkat laugh. "Okay, sounds good to me. But until then, we don't speak of any of this."

"Fair enough."

Their conversation died off then, before picking back up some hours later after they had just cuddled together on that bed in silence. Karkat asking Terezi about what she did over her Thanksgiving break was what rekindled the speech spark, and she was quick to inform him that she did nothing more than listen to some music and learn more about each other. "That was before the sleeping together thing, Karkat. That didn't happen until we got back to school after break, and all his friends were wanting to do stupid boy stuff. Don't think I lost my virginity to Dave on the couch at his house. I lost it in the hot tub at school."

She was blushing as she said the last part, and it made him realize that she wasn't proud of what she had done, much like he wasn't proud of having slept with Meenah. "It's an interesting place, much better than where I lost mine..."

"I guess you're right. But maybe we can just act like we haven't ever lost it? Maybe we can say that we'll be each other's first time, and everything will be made right!"

He gave a small smile and agreed with her on that point, and they fell back into their state of silence, which wouldn't have been broken ever again if it wasn't for Terezi beginning to giggle at random. "What's up now?"

"I have a very serious question for you," she said, trying to hold back her giggles. "Did you, or did you not, see Meenah's fish taco?"

Never before had Karkat wanted to smother himself with a pillow more than in that moment. His girlfriend, a grown-ass college-going woman with big dreams and ambitions, had _seriously_ just used a fish-related term to refer to something. "Don't ever, and I mean ever, use a fish pun around me again." There was a lot of anger in his voice as he said that, and Terezi began to giggle even harder. "You don't know what it's like having to hear those all the time until you're stuck caring for someone who thinks they're the coolest."

"It wasn't that bad, Karkat. Calm your tits and get over it."

Hearing her continuing to giggle, he couldn't help but break into a smile and some laughter of his own. "Yeah, okay, I will. She's in my past now. And you, miss Terezi Pyrope, you are what's in my future."  
"You mean, you being in me is what's in your future."

Karkat couldn't help but move his girlfriend so that he could kiss her for that.

* * *

 **A/N: And just like that, the story ends. I hope you enjoyed reading!**


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